I’ve been avoiding social situations, I’m so scared to hang out without drinking. What the fuh do people talk about? How the heck do people “hang out” without drinking? It’s been over 7 months and anytime anyone wants to meet up I just say I can’t. When I’ve tried I go into panic attacks. When I was drinking all I did was surround my self with people and make friends
13 Likes
I’m right there with you. It’s hard as heil. Maybe going to a meeting? Baby steps? What area are you in?
Well you can actually go to dinner where dinner is actually about the food and not some thinly veiled excuse to get wasted..
3 Likes
Hi Lauren, I agree that it can be awkward at first, and have that fear that you can't hang out sober.
Then I tell myself it had to be really awkward for others when I was hanging out drinking. Slurring words, stumbling, making an a*s of myself, sometimes throwing up, not remembering,. Yup I was such a socially brilliant being, as an alcoholic, graceful and elegant, interesting and intelligent 
Talk about anything you want to talk about. I discuss books I've read, movies I've watched, things I heard or seen. Really depends where I am and what I am doing. There is so much out there to talk about, and to do. Winter is a little harder since I am less active, but still making it. The awkwardness will pass. Just find you, what you like, and talk about it.
For instance, I heard a quote yesterday
"There is more to the cliff than just the edge"
Just hearing it got me thinking several thoughts, I discussed this quote with one of my friends on the phone who lives 3 hours away from me. This led to a 20 minute conversation.
Any thoughts on the quote? Just let me know 
3 Likes
I’m in the same boat Lauren ….. I think we just need more time to adjust but we will all get there
1 Like
At some point you will be confronted with alcohol. It happens to us all. Having the confidence to navigate social situations it a big step. For me… I had an escape plan, I drove myself. If I needed to leave because I was triggered I would. I let my sponsor and a sober buddy know I was going out and they agreed to take any call from me. And I would do an hourly check in with myself… how am I feeling, what’s going through my mind… I had the location of a meeting scoped out so if I needed to get to one I could. After the first few times I realized that the fear was all in my own head, I relaxed a bit and I had a blast! Conversation with people who know you will come naturally. Just have to trust yourself and the tools you have gained since getting sober. I hope it all works out for you!
3 Likes
I’m in Baltimore, I’ve been hitting up meetings and meeting people there. I still get anxious but at least we sure have something to talk about. I haven’t been to many since I started going right before the holiday season… but hopefully I’ll make some friendships through AA
1 Like
That’s true, I’ve definitely made a complete as* out of myself in front of so many people. I’m not sure I understand the quote, is it meant to mean to enjoy the cliff? Not pay attention to the edge? I’m curious!
I do tell myself I can leave at any moment. The anxiety leaves my body as soon as I’m out of the situation.. I WISH I could just get through them! Does it get easier with time? Do all of us in recovery experience this in the beginning? I want to be strong and not so scared of people
Dinner is the worst for me.. it’s like forced eye contact and hard to leave. I can’t even sit across the table from my girlfriend at a table at dinner! Going out to dinner for me has always been an appetizer and at least 4 or 5 beers. Never really went for the food
1 Like
Question? Do you have a core group of friends? Yes? Start there. Even if it's just you and 2 other people. Learn to enjoy conversations by simply engaging. Eventually, hopefully you'll find a baseline comfort level where you'll be able to push yourself to attend more gatherings
Vulnerability -master it
It never fully went away for me but it gets easier and less often with the confidence that is built with sobriety. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes I go sometimes I bow out. Trust your gut and you will come out fine.
1 Like
Welp, time to focus on the food and the hangouts. It's hard, I know. I'm going to an AA holiday party tonight, I'm a little stressed but it'll be okay.
For me i started going to anything and everything I could with the people at the AA club. Breakfast lunches bbq’s pot lucks. That really helped when I went to other functions or events.
It’s just like before but sober🙂
1 Like
Normally, when we make a choice to get sober, we tell people. Find those people who support you and tell them what you are going through. You need their support to be able to go out into a social situation and not be pressured to drink or feel the need to drink? I’m sure they would love to have dinner with you.
1 Like
Almost 5 years and when I can’t handle it I leave. I’ve gotten way better at social situations as you will with time. I think you’re doing pretty well! Leaving situations that could trigger you, asking here for comments. Everything is about giving it time. Boy AA bbq at the start were really hard, how are these people hanging out? How are they having fun? I bet people ask that about me now when I meet them out lol but its a learning curve.
1 Like
Hey real friends don’t need a drink to connect
1 Like
Hi Lauren! I’m also in Baltimore and would be happy to be a part of your network. Having sober friends was really important to me at the beginning so I hope you can find your tribe soon! I’ll send you a request and send my number in messages now
1 Like
That’s a nice fish in your picture, why not go fishing? Are there any fishing clubs or groups near by?
1 Like
Mastering vulnerability is such good advice, thank you. That’s what I’m so scared of. Being vulnerable and what people are thinking about me and what I look like and how I’m perceived. I’m realizing so many people deal with this whether or not they admit it! Thank you
1 Like