Thank you for sharing.
Clearly there is a chemical your brain needs to function in a balanced way. You may want to ask for non-stimulant medications for ADHD symptoms. They are out there. I know the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. There is a solution whether it be through alternative treatments, holistic medicine, or trying non-habit forming pharmaceuticals — or something different. There IS a solution out there. Sending lots of love your way.
There are definitely other options than direct CNS stimulants! I have been there with them tho…. It’s a hard thing to stop, but with the right support it’s possible… a good next first step might be a call to your doctor to be honest about your struggle…. 