I’ve been sober for 4 years however, July 7th will be 1 year off of methadone. The start of 2022 has brought in more of a challenge to my sobriety. Alcohol mostly.
I’ve had 3 times where I drank and kind of feel like I’m back to day by day and sometimes moment by moment with mindfully remaining sober.
I recognize that this is my fears kicking in.
Life has been great! I have a great job, pays well. My children are wonderful, I just bought a new car and I feel like I should feel great!
But I don’t! I’m scared!
I’m scared I’m gonna lose it all! Again!
I’m afraid something stupid will happen and I’ll lose my job, my home, my car and my family’s respect again.
I don’t want these fears but again I recognize that these fears are what’s causing me to want to drink so I’m out of those thoughts and feelings…. Maybe…?
One more big thing is working… I work in a casino as a dealer and I’m always around not just people but addicts of every kind.
Being around people in general causes such anxiety bc I feel like I’m still just learning to be me. I hadn’t done life sober or without something like methadone for so long that idk who I am or how I’m supposed to act anymore. I was always using something to take the wheel for me… Now that I’m in control and trying to be and create a new me, I sometimes feel l like I beat myself up too much trying too hard.
Not to mention again, that I pretty much work in the devil’s playground.
If you got this far, thank you for listening.
I’m pretty vulnerable rn and it’s very rare that I reach out for help but even if idk who I am at the moment, I at least know who I don’t wanna be again.
Hey I understand I work in the restaurant industry so I can relate. I fear those same things. The thing is I beat myself up all the time and that may be your problem. When I stopped doing that things got a little better for me. I’ve been very vulnerable lately and it’s been helping me a ton. Keep being vulnerable it will help. I have been sharing on here a lot lately and responding to things like this that I can relate to. So by you doing this it helped me share my stuff too. The more you do so the less you are that person that you don’t want to be. I am realizing that now and I feel so much better. I don’t have any negative thoughts at work because I do enjoy what I do. Keep sharing please it helped me tonight/ morning w.e you wanna call it
Fears are sometimes just consequences. You know that if you start drinking/using again youll lose the things you've worked so hard to get. Job, car, being there for your kids. Getting off the clinic is a good thing. Keep moving forward. Set some other small goals for yourself. Don't forget where you came from, but don't beat yourself up about it either.
We have to really understand healthy vs unhealthy fears..it sounds as if you have a bit of both. I understand completely..I think the more clean time sobriety I have the more my brain tries to convince me that I'm getting back to normal.. Although my cravings are gone it's those fears those behaviors that get scary try to keep busy..meetings..support system..even reaching out on this site.
I know how you what you mean when see how much time you have. You have a fear of success and failure at the same time. Don't fear failure because we have all done that. And to say you are a success only comes from what you have accomplished. So no need to fear that either.
Thanks guys. I appreciate your support.
I’ve been hiding a bit lately and talking to God as much as possible.
I feel strong today. Day by day right now
The good thing is you're realizing something is wrong while there is still time to do something about it. I had almost 5 years dead sober and flirted with a few drinks here and there. Wasn't able to address in time and took me right back to hard drugs and didn't get right for 5 years. Wish I would've done something in the beginning when I started to slip. All that stuff can be gone in a amazingly short time. Seek some guidance before things get out of hand. Good luck!
Meet with people at meetings.na. Org
I think it’s almost natural to feel scared some. We work so hard to get and remain sober that one little slip up could cost us so much. I’ve been sober from alcohol for about 2 years and other drugs for a little over a year. And I’m always nervous I’m gonna fall into temptation and urges and have a lapse in judgement and use or drink again. But my faith in God, my daughter and 2 or 3 guys from my church, along with a few family members have supported me pretty well lately and that allows me to stay focused. I also keep in the back of my mind the things I could lose, my daughter, car, the opportunity to get my counseling license back, and that helps me to push past all the urges. Just don’t let the fear consume you. Take it moment by moment.