I want her back now. I want my months of sobriety now. I want to feel happy now. I want my fitness and financial stability back now. I hate my addict brain I hate delayed gratification I hate that I can't sit with my own thoughts I hate that the time everything takes feels so heavy and unbearable and big. how am I supposed to focus on right now when I don't have any of what I want right now and it's all so far off? what do I do with all the time I've stolen back from drinking? I'm just passing time until I die one way or another and suffering through it consciously and presently feels no better than shutting off and checking out.
