I want to escape

Recovery
#1

It wasn’t a good day for me.
I gambled away a lot of money today, trying to distract myself from my emotions, and I regret it so much.
I just wanted to escape for awhile, but I lost a lot of money.

I just wanted to escape all day. I’m so tired of feeling my emotions. I can’t drink even a little tiny bit, do drugs, smoke weed. I can’t do anything to escape, even for just a little while.
I am over 6 months sober and its still so hard for me, is this normal? Anyone else feel this way?
I thought it would be eaiser by now, if just isnt.

(I also have been to rehab. I went for 3 months. Wouldn’t have even reached 3 months if I didnt go. After rehab immediately got put on an ankle alcohol monitor. So if i drink, I go to jail. So I won’t drink, but I am scared for when the mointor comes off.)

2 Likes
#2

I was on a scram monitor for 30 Mos. And drank when I got it off because I was not in recovery at the time... find a hobby?

1 Like
#3

Hey Cindra what u posted sounds exactly like me. I am addicted to gambling I do it because I to try to distract myself from my emotions and I have put myself in a hole that I need to get back out off to top it off I relapse this new year and have still been using. I just need to stop I was six months clean and sober and when I graduated from rehab and moved to a sober living I lasted a week and relapse and have been hating myself ever since than. I cant mess up im on 2 probations state and federal and I cant go back to prison Im so tired of being a screw up in life it's so hard so I just want you to know your not alone in this battle ok hang in there and continue to fight the good fight

1 Like
#4

Sounds like a very difficult day. Maybe you can find a local group with physical activity? I got really into bellydancing when I first got sober. It was grounding and lovely taking classes with other women. I was in the best shape of my life! There are lots of hobby, crafts and exercise groups around. I'm disabled now and tend to overeat to cope so I understand though ❤️‍🩹

1 Like
#5

Always worst in our heads. Till we get thru it. Yu'll see it wasn't that bad.
Try stayin in da moment tho. Wen the monitor comes off its goin to be a huge test. Pass it so yu can prove da enemy a liar.

#6

Did we learn anything from this?