I was 4.5 years sober. I relapsed 1.5 years ago. Almost died the first week. In and out of detox, treatment, back home repeat. Finally 102 days ago i had enough. Went to detox,then 4 weeks inpatient, 5 weeks outpatient. Just started a new job making good money. My wife (who is also sober and almost left me during my relapse), and I are getting along better than ever. I finally feel free again in life and its awesome. The reason i relapsed is because i stopped putting my recovery first. Im so thankful i made it out again 
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Welcome back! It’s complete insanity brother. No other way to explain why we do the things we do. Unless you’re one of us, you can’t make any sense of why we pick up again.