I was doing great and almost made it three weeks without a drink and then I let myself down once again. Reality is I hate my life and I’m miserable. Drinking seems to give me some sort of relief but it doesn’t last. Obviously I need to do something different, but what?
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I get what you are saying. I tell myself that I would feel worse drinking even though it numbs reality for a while. I am trying to figure out what I want and not just sit on my potty pot.
I can relate and think it boils down to just wanting happiness and not knowing how to achieve that
I am sorry to hear you are unhappy. Have you gotten involved with any programs? We all deserve to be happy. I had to go on anti-depressants because the alcohol really screwed up the chemicals in my brain. Maybe look into that.? Good luck, I truly hope you find peace.
What were you doing the last time you felt happy? Not counting drugs or alcohol.
I myself do anything I can to take up time. I'm drawing, listening to loud bad music, cleaning, and practicing giving myself tattoos. I definitely need practice.. 
Treatment and support is what did it for me. There’s a whole community of us like minded and similarly experienced people out here waiting to embrace another one into our groups. It took me a long time to get the courage to tell some key people I needed help. The work from there is not easy, but after joining an out patient recovery group and doing counseling last year, I’ve clawed my way out of the hole I dug for myself from years of alcoholism. For me, that’s the path to happiness. Alcohol never made me happy. It just helped me forget I was sad.
You’re doing right by reaching out.
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I'm also in AA.
I can relate, 10 days now and I am repeating my new Mantra all day… “ Things May suck, but alcohol won’t make it better”… I pray every day I can continue this course. Peace✌️
Happiness is something that isn’t given when we want it. Life on life’s terms. Sometimes that means going thru some difficult times that will test us.
For me, I didn’t find happiness until I walked into AA. Still to this day I don’t play into the god aspect much. What helps me is hearing the stories from people who have lived with these same thoughts and feelings that I’ve battled for so many years. Our path may have been different getting there but once you know it’s ok to say you aren’t ok, you can begin to feel a sense of comfort in your own skin. I hope this helps, best of luck!
More meetings really helps you leave with more hope and understanding of what you can do what you can’t what you want and what you do not.
What is it that you need to do different? Only you can answer that. Get out your notebook and write the pros and cons of your life. Then separate the cons and hit them head on. You’re the only one who can change any of it. Drinking will only make you more miserable and in return make you hate your life even more. You said it yourself, It’s a temporary fix. Find something that will be permanent. You got this!
Work on changing the thing you need "relief" from or you will ever be in a better place.
I had to quit drinking, or I was going to die. It was hating my life and dying or hating my life and living. I had to choose. It was, and is, very hard!
There are some days I’m completely miserable. Hopelessly lonely, lost, and angry! Sobriety hasn’t fixed any of that! What a rip off, right?
Well, I had to look deeper, and really be honest with myself. I was the one who made my life this way, it was all me. I made the choices. I made them over decades. It’s going to take decades to undo the damage, alcohol induced or not. I had to compartmentalize the problem. Instead of changing everything all at once, I had to say “okay, what’s one little stupid thing I could do better today than I did yesterday?” Then, I had to do that thing!
For a while, it was simply NOT DRINKING for that day. That was it, that’s all I could celebrate. Then, as time went on, other little opportunities popped up here and there for gradual improvement. I started taking more chances to better my attitude. Notice, I didn’t say circumstances, because attitude is first. One day at a time. You might surprise yourself with how far you can go! I know I did.
Let me know if you ever want to talk.