I was doing so well and my friends surprised me with a trip to Napa. Now I’m back to the self hatred and realizing that my intentions need to be clear for those around me.
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I like the last part of your post about realizing that your intentions need to be clear. Keep your focus on the lessons you’re learning in your sobriety journey. Take it easy on the self hatred. Coming to terms with all of this and then learning how to live without it, is a process. Sounds as if you are progressing…
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"What we have here is a failure to communicate"
Um yeah if they are taking you to Napa, I'm assuming surrounded by vineyards, they are really not hearing you for whatever reason. Reintegrate your sobriety .
Good luck
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I have learned the hard way communication is key in all relationships .. no need for self hate … just move and be honest with your friends about your journey … if they are good friends they will understand… 
If they don’t know you’re sober tell them so they know in advance and you can all enjoy the trip. If you know in advance you’re going to go there and drink them DON’T GO!! You’ve worked too hard to purposefully relapse.
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They all know now, so here we go.
Napa is a wine haven and can be temptation for many.
There are other things there to indulge in though like food and such. Sorry you had to go through that and you may have to temporarily cut them off until they understand your predicament.
Beat them down. Show them your intelligence and heart. Be you. Disregard whatever they say. If they don't like, means there jealous of who you are, and what you stand for. Say bye Mo-Fucrs
Peeps are to nice now a days. Who cares if we showed our as!ss, talked shiiittt. Point is, we gotta be happy with who we are.
Ok, good. Remember you can eat the grapes, just don’t drink them! LOL
Haha, I like this!
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In the event it's a slip and you feel quilt and shame, it's okay to unburden yourself. It's ok to make a mistake. It's ok to mess up . Guilt and shame means you care that's dope. It's ok to grow that's what a problem is and opportunity to grow. If you can't hang around people drinking and not get it on in however you do. Well it's time to find events that don't center around that. People places things. If you use with them on the journey drink with them. Which would are you feeding. I have been to fun events where people are drinking but it doesn't revolve around that. I tend to dance and have a really good time and end up not wanting to basically meet my super high profile relationship that I had again. Sober husbands, wives and friends exist. I don't do the mocktails either. I'll I don't DD I ride a motorcycle. I've kicked drugs hardcore and social drinking and weed. Learning to be comfortable in my own skin dancing on water or a redull and going home with who some one who's drunka and exhibit all those behaviors. Or in this case women like I meet here that have serious time and hold themselves accountable. Functioning addicts and alcoholics with titles are all that's there. We know this. They are without that's at least my realization with the hot crowd in Napa Vegas Sedona NY Seattle etc. In the end the self aware addicts and beyond might be the only ones left. It's difficult for females it's driven economical in our culture and social media and it's responsible for a staggering 90 percent female trigger pulling divorce rate. However there are some how 50 percent of people that plan to stay married and do. Hmmm fishy. The math lies. I've done the work in real time on both sides. CEOs are functioning doesn't make it healthy feel me.
The shame this time has been unreal, coming in hot with panic attacks. However bad I feel though, this needed to happen to really come to terms with how bad things were/are. I’m grateful for my self awareness and accountability, I just need to focus on the source of my drinking, which is my self worth and confidence.
I have been in many relationships with partners with the shame and guilt. A meeting is a great way to release it, also meditation. Doing positive things for yourself. It's ok . Sometimes hearing words of affirmation help. You got this, and your are beautiful.
Evan
I Agree 100% Clear as a Bell from here on out. Napa means Nopa🔥
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Thanks 