I was in a perfectly good mood an hour ago. Now I’d love a smoke & am in a negative place. I love Sundays. Just relaxing in the mornings with my coffee & Bible. But…my husband loves to garden (which I truly appreciate) but here’s the thing. He doesn’t just garden for us, he gives away 2/3 of it which of course is very generous but before you start thinking I’m horrible for hating it…he does it for his pride. He’s so busy & stressed but yet doesn’t do anything to ease his work load so I have lost my ‘give a damm’. There’s so much more to the story but I don’t want to write a book. I’ve suggested ways to cut back the amount we do (canning) but he never does so he can do it himself. And I’m upset the way he talks to my sister too but yet neglects me. I’d love nothing more than to just not be around him today & drink & smoke but I know that won’t solve anything.
Smoke meth?
It looks like you are still early in sobriety. These “don’t give a dang” feelings are normal. As are all the irritation and “what the eff” feelings. Everyone and everything is straight up annoying…. You are feeling things you haven’t in a while. It will pass. When I first got sober every little thing my wife did annoyed me. How she squeezed the toothpaste tube, all the way in how she would chew food. I figured out it was my addiction trying to get me to give in and drink. Addiction is a sneaky little b@stard. It will use any trick to get what it wants. Just give it some time and focus on your own lawn. You will laugh about all the annoyances one day.
Why would you ask that?
Thank you Tim. You hit the nail on the head…everything is annoying right now.
What kind of smoke? Cigarettes weed you know not trying to be disrespectful or anything
Just a cigarette:)
Ohh ok
It does get better. Just give it some time. The annoyance turns to endearment. Well at least for me it did. Good luck to you!
Thank you Tim, I hope so
We can't control people but we can certainly control the way we react to people. I don't know you or your husband or your situation and I am definitely not a marriage counselor. If you are new to sobriety chances are you and your husband would be wise to get some counseling and get it all out on the table.
The missing element in most marriages is communication.
When one or more people are getting sober there are changes going on and usually nobody knows how to handle the changes. Or what's even more common is we suddenly see our partner through a different set of lenses than we did before when we were under the influence.
That can be scary.
Dave hit the nail on the head. If people are upsetting me I need to look at myself and change my mind. It’s usually the only thing I can change.
It’s very scary. Will my love for him still be the same or am I just an agitated mess right now?
It sounds safe to say you’re just an agitated mess rn. Try not to focus on the things that aren’t in your control. As was said before, focus on how you respond instead of react.
Whether or not the relationships we have in life will ever look the way they once did isn’t up to just us. Focus on your sobriety, find tools to make the days easier. Limit the stress you put on yourself because outside stressors are bound to show up when you don’t want them to. Find a way to see things from a positive point of view and don’t be afraid to speak up when you need to be heard.
Thank you Ty
Good question. Rude
Only time will tell.
I'm a man of the Bible and our vows do state For Better or For Worse. Not until it's not any fun anymore.
But I can't pretend to be too holy because I was divorced once before in the middle of my qualifying. And I have seen couples get divorced after they've been sober. More often than not they find out that they picked the wrong partner to begin with because their picker was broken to begin with.
We don't make very good choices when we're out there drinking.
Of course if we have kids in the equation then we have to think about what's best for them too. Just give time, time. Don't drink, go to meetings and pray. You'll figure it out.
Beautiful pic of you and your girls too. You have a lot to be thankful for, for sure!
Can anyone give me insight on timeframe of when agitation gets better? Emotions start to stabilize? I use an awesome app for smoking that tells me things like that. Is there one for drinking too?