I was sober 13months before falling off the wagon. I thought Id come far enough to be a different person. I never got to hold my 1 year chip cause I was “too ok for meetings.”
The “want” is always doing pushups in the corner.
Take care of yourselves. I keep working on getting back day 1. You slide fast.
Just regroup get to meetings. Never safe from the grips of alcohol. Always waiting. I am sorry you got that far. But your back that’s what matters. Some people never make it back. One day at a time. 
Hey there! I’ve been where you are too so the first thing I’ll say is don’t beat yourself up—what’s important is you’re still here and fighting to get back.
Second, the truth is that the disease isn’t off in the corner doing pushups. It’s right there in your mind, waiting for that moment when you think you’re ‘too okay for meetings.’ That’s exactly when we need the meetings the most.
It’s easy to believe we’ve come far enough to handle things on our own but staying connected to the program, a sponsor, a sober network (whether in person or online) is what keeps us grounded. Keep pushing because you’ll get back on track. Day 1 is the start of something great!
I had 8 months & thought I was ‘so OK’ that i could moderate … didn’t take long, to get back to that miserable cycle of excess… second time around, I feel stronger because I knew how great sober felt and how easy it was to feel over confident … It takes courage … you can do it