I was sober for almost 90 days, in meetings every day working with a sponsor. I relapsed on the day I was baptized how sick is that?! I hate myself I feel like I am a disgrace. I had 3 jobs and now have no job from relapsing throughout two months. I got back into meetings daily and was sober 10 days, and then found my boyfriend was lying to me constantly. I felt like I had armed myself to not relapse, but I didn’t expect the hurt to come from the inside of people I trust. My heart hurts and I am disgusted with myself. I had been interviewing for jobs during that 10 days and I have so much on the line right now, trying to detox today so I can show up presentable for an hour for two interviews tomorrow so I don’t end up homeless. I hate myself right now, and I hate this disease.
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Hang in there. Get back to the steps and work them. Clearly you are forgetting to work step one in my opinion.
This disease is cunning and baffling.
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I’ve been there done that too many times!
Now 15+ years of solid sobriety.
Hate the disease but don’t hate yourself. Get back into your program with a greater respect for both your program and your disease! Go deeper. You can do this!!!
I’ll friend request you now and here if you want to talk 
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