I was supposed to get a raise at work today but because I've been f'ing up for the last six months they are withholding it for three months. I guess I should be grateful that they are allowing me the opportunity to prove myself rather than firing me. I have been kicking myself because this was so preventable and yet I allowed it to happen. I've allowed my stress and anxiety in other areas of my life to overcome me and I drank too much to bury it, to stuff it down and allowed that to be my avenue to forget. Ugh. On day 3 ... Hopefully this will be it.
So like I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I feel like I want to say something for no other reason other than being of help. If you are an alcoholic how you move stress or anxiety around is irrelevant. If you are alcoholic, you need to fix that first. We drink because we are alcoholic. We justify it by our circumstances. This can make us believe that we just need to fix our circumstances and our drinking problem will be fixed. It’s usually the other way around. When we fix our drinking problem, our circumstances improve. We fix our drinking problem by working a program of recovery. But you need to diagnose yourself. Are you an alcoholic?
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I hear what you're saying. I'd like to say that I'm not an alcoholic but I know better than that. My current stress and anxiety and getting rid of it isn't going to change my relationship with alcohol. Is it a means of justifying "another" drink... Yes. But my relationship with alcohol started over 30 years ago and it's gotten worse then better then worse then I quit for 5 years then gradually got worse and here we are. So am I an alcoholic? Yes.
When stuff was closing in on me at work, I decided the heck with it and went to rehab. I couldn’t do it anymore. My work was almost like relieved that there was a reason for my behavior. If you decide not to do that, I think you have to get your behind in the rooms of AA. I’m not trying to preach to you. I just want to help.
I'm looking around for a women's AA meeting. I'm scared because of my last experience with a meeting but that was some time ago. My work doesn't know. I'd prefer it that way because if I lose my certification I'm done in my career.
Hey Arie! Brother Shawn has given you some great advice! The good news is you still have the job and an opportunity to fix things. Treating your alcoholism is the answer to many of your problems. You don’t have to wait until you lose everything.
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Yeah I don’t know your whole situation with like certificates and stuff. I can just tell you that I thought my career was over when I told my employer, but it was completely the opposite. It meant a lot to them that I wanted to get help. A lot of times we aren’t hiding things from employers and family as well as we think. Try a bunch of different meetings. Ditch the ones you hate and stick to the ones you like. Just remember your addiction will make you want to be more negative about some meetings than is really warranted.
I’m pulling for you Arie. Get the help you need.
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