I went to my first NA meeting yesterday and self acceptance was the topic of discussion. I realized then that I am still resisting labeling myself an addict of any kind cause it would force me to accept I have a problem. For some reason, I am very aware I need to stop but usually disorient myself but saying “this isn’t a problem you just happen to enjoy being high/drunk” but no. If that were true I wouldn’t find myself hiding it, lying, manipulating, stealing, living to kill myself. I think I’m just so good at persuading everyone around me that I’m high functioning and stable when that’s far from the truth. It’s a lie even I believe. Has anyone struggled with a similar feeling and how do you accept it?
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I said this on another post:
We are given the gift of desperation. Surrender is when I realized there was no other option. I had to accept my condition and treat it by seeking help. That help came through admitting I was an alcoholic and letting the fellowship of AA into my life.
Your post is very insightful, brother. I think you are on the right track.
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Congrats on going to your 1st meeting dude! 
And yeah dude, I've struggled with the same thing multiple times... But, I've affected enough people around me for them to remind me that I'm not the same, so that helps me want to get back to where I used to be
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We as addicts live in self denial. What you’re feeling is normal when we begin our journey to staying clean and sober. Trust me when I say, you aren’t fooling anyone about your using. Can’t hide our addictions towards others. Only fool ourselves that we are. Welcome to a new life. Keep hitting those meetings. And keep letting others know your situation. It’s a we program. Alone we don’t recover. Together we do.
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I told myself I was the master and yes convinced myself that I was stronger than it. There is a pamphlet from NA
"Am I an addict" Whenever I tried to convince myself I'm not an addict I referred back to the pamphlet acceptance is a process...today I accept and tomorrow I will accept I cannot successfully use drugs. Here is the link for the pamphlet Am I an Addict? | HAMASCNA
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Thanks! Always appreciate your insight as well
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Thanks for the encouragement ! I’m learning to put more trust forward in a community day by day.
NA sounds like a good fit for you then. Hope it helped.
Wow thank you for sharing this, just read through it and feeling quite emotional about it to be honest but I think it was a must read right now
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