I wish the pain was greater. I know what I

Recovery
#1

I wish the pain was greater. I know what I want but I'm still stuck. I have built a prison in my head that keeps me out here. I once had 5 years and I lost it all but most importantly, I lost myself. 9 don't even know who I am anymore. I want out, but here I am........... The Guilt and the shame is hard to handle. My depression is bad, sometimes too heavy to carry.. I need to process some shit before it kills me... During that moment of silence, just know I need that.......

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#2

Some guided meditations could help with those floods of emotions, you can even visualize your shame dissolving

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#3

Brandon, hey I was there too… I had 3+ yrs clean 5+ yrs without a drink…. During those 3 yrs my life was pretty damn great (true happiness for the first time since idk when) of course at the time I met the love of my life, my bf who showed me how to enjoy life sober!! Eventually things went south…@3yrs I had our daughter but the whole time I was prego he was using, yet I stayed with him…a few months after her 4th bday he died & a huge part of me died too…I built that prison in my head cuz I didn’t want to feel any feelings abt shit & stayed drunk from the end of 2009 till end of 2012 & haven’t had a sip since…. I know there’s hope for u cuz I’ve done it…besides not drinking I have 4 yrs back without drugging too!!! I’m def not going to say it’s easy, def not like sobriety was last time, but I’ve stuck through it!!! Even if sometimes I am white knuckling it!!! I wish u Luck…u can do this cuz u did it b4!! U just have to lower ur ego & ask for some help!!:pray:

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#4

Lots of great recovery info here. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope.
For me, I’m always in my head. I’m a thinker. I completely understand what you’re going through in a sense. Each experience is slightly different. I’m glad you’re reaching out Brandon. If you can get to a meeting. AA would be my first choice then if that’s not you then NA. Work those steps. If you need to detox, find a hospital. I can say within a few months you’ll be in a different place.
For me I had to change everything about me. I’m still working on me. It takes time. And the best part is we all have time.
Keep your head up! You got this.
I’m here