Your not an idiot. Your are a very strong person! So strong God gave you this task. Cause he knows you can. Let me tell you something. I feel that we all know the answer to bringing happiness to our life’s. And we chose to ignore it not work for it. We know how to solve and what is causing our pain but we refuse to work hard or let go of it. Why? Cause it’s so damn easy to drink or get Hi. We blame life we blame God. It’s neither there fault. Think very hard and think some choices may hurt you and be painful to let go. But we need to let go for our own good and its or there own good. The problem is that you feel your living some one else life not your own. Remember this you need to control your emotions not your emotions control you. Your in charge always. The only one that can stop all this is you no doctor or meds or alcohol is going to do it.
Sorry I didn't respond, I was a bit busy yesterday. I don't always get back to people immediately, but I always do respond. You seem to have a lot on your plate. The first thing I want to say about everything is that anxiety disorder tells you you are dumb and no one cares. Both of those statements are lies. You have value in spite of anxiety.
We can chat at anytime
You are correct! I have been on a journey this past month almost of healing and recovery and more healing. I have Dove deep into my self to understand why I have self doubting and negative thoughts. And I came to the realization that I am not this horrible creature I thought I once was, unlovable. But I am a beautiful woman, and a child of God. I am worthy and since I have excepted this and have been living as this person everything fell into place. I truly feel joy and I’m enjoying life again. And I’m happy to be me, I would not want to be anyone else ever. I have many blessings in my life and I am embracing all of them now. Thanks for your response sorry it took me a while but again I was in that recovery healing mode which I’ll always be in recovery of course but I did some major healing that was long well overdue. 

Wow! It’s so wonderful to hear how much better you feel! Your turnaround is so inspiring! Congrats on the peace you have found. Very much appreciate you updating the community on your progress. Keep up the great work 
Thank you!
And your right I’ve just herd and read up on this. Just remember we did this to our selves. We brought this we can stop this!
Hi how you been
Any time you need to chat we can
Ok how about now?
Need some help
Let me know what’s up I left my number
So happy to read this. Its inspiring for others to see how you overcame. Keep it up! You've inspired me for sure
You can always ask me for anything if I can and have to a given
Where is it’s been several months now hasn’t it? I was doing a good job until tonight. Well actually the past five nights. And go on a binge and I drink a lot of alcohol during that binge. It’s when my son is with his father and then I inform my parents so he’s staying with them for this week because it’s spring vacation. I stopped drinking but I’m going to have to go through major withdrawals now. It’s going to suck the first three days at least right? But then I’ll do better after that at least? day five it’s not too bad.