If you are in recovery and you relax and you have more than six to nine months to a year of recovery in active recovery I mean you're doing needles you hosting meetings you're working or not 12 steps program you are working on 9:00 to 5:00 and you relax trust me it is not going to be any different it's actually worse because you have a you know you can stay clean you have the 12 Steps stuck in your head and then you relax you're going to hear every voice that ever told you congratulations they're proud of you you're going to lose connections with real people instead of people that just want you around because you have the drugs I'm telling you this because I found this out to be so true I had a year in recovery and I allowed pressure and stress to make me go back out meanwhile every single day I will still being put through the same stuff that made me want to get high and the person who introduced the stress to me was happy they felt nothing they focused every single day I'm trying their best to make it worse but the worst had already happened I relapsed I allowed someone else's trauma games and all kind of misery become mine because they weren't happy with who I was and I allowed their bull stuff to make my life miserable I stopped caring for myself and it only took a matter of weeks I watched every dollar I had disappeared and I had absolutely nothing to show for it meanwhile the stressor that caused me to relapse was extremely happy it made his day to take something away from me that was so precious that I had made built into something within myself now that I have the knowledge of the 12 steps 9848 all of those times that I saw and I didn't play the tape all the way through I allowed them to make me feel so small till I forgot how strong I really was now as a result of the relapsing the first time because of their mess or acting out or showing my behind I have 5 years I'm going to claim that because I'm four and a half years right now so I'm going to claim about five year mark and then I'm going to add it to six then I'm going to make it to 7:00 then I'm going to make it to 10:00 until I die in recovery because I know what it's like to go out and mess up what you have focused on and have built worked hard on with Blood Sweat and Tears to allow someone else's bull stuff to take that from me again and all the times they look at me they said I wonder how is she taking this people don't know that I have been dealing with the same evil man for years of my life and what he does to me now he been doing everywhere I've been I just won't allow him to make me go out and use anymore because I know it didn't fix anything in the beginning so if I allow myself to go out and get high knowing and having a knowledge that that I have I'm setting my own stuff up for failure he's always asking me why she ain't going crazy why she ain't no dope because we've been here before sir I just won't allow you to take anything else from me but you be safe though like they said misery needs company and I will not be his company I love my life today today I'm clean but I don't have to worry about running with a dope man is I don't have to worry about wondering what my dollar or I don't have to worry about oh I spent this amount of money he could give me one on credit I don't have to worry about those things no more because his misery is a part of the company I don't want but sir nice knowing you I understand what you tried to do plans just ain't going to work over here I love my God I love my recovery and I love my recovery Village that has stuck by me through thick and thin and I love my sponsor I love you Tammy you mean the world to me thank you for always checking on me and making sure I'm good but with you as a sponsor I can't go wrong I love you girl and I love each and every one of you who stuck by my side knowing my story and still choosing to fight the Battle of recovery with me
