I'm 1,166 day's sober from the alcohol despite what I've been feeling and what all has been going on. I mean I'm feeling pretty rough today and had bit of a rough night. I miss my Aunt/mom. I miss her smile. I miss how proud she was when I talked to her about how much time of sobriety from the drug's and alcohol I had. I miss her hugs. I miss the time's we had. I missed over a decade of memories I could of made because I was living wherever or I was in the psych ward,in and out of detox or I was in jail. I missed over a decade of time with my family. Everything is hitting me today and I feel like sh*t. I regret not having more time with her. I feel guilt because my Aunt/mom kept bailing me out or she helped me when I was in jail with money. I feel shame because of the year's of drug and alcohol use and committing felonies and crimes. Because my Aunt was mom to me, it's like losing another parent all over again. It's like losing my Dad all over again as mom died of cancer like my Dad and had the same cancer as my Dad and the cancer spread to the same place as my Dad so not only am I dealing with the loss of my Mom... I'm also dealing with the loss of my Dad which happened over 17 and a half years ago. Mom meant everything to me and she was my world. I spent years with her and she tried to raise me but I couldn't be raised by anyone but myself. I hate all types of authority but mom was the only authority that I respected. Her and my Dad are on my mind and like I said... everything is hitting me hard today
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