I have no idea what to do. Ive talked to my sponsar im going to meetings and working the steps. I really want to freaking use so badly right now. Everything feels flat and numb. Im still doing the things i love like going to the gym and doing my singing lesson. There just isnt that much joy coming from them. I cant tell if im going into a depressive phase or not and i dont know what to do. I just want to feel anyting then this intense feeling of numbess. Ive always felt my emotions intensely and at the moment i would rather deal with being huper and being euphoric. Sure that can also bring lors of challegens, at least i feel more like my self and functional. Any advice??
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No advice here, just support. I feel the same. It sucks. At least, youβre not alone.
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Utilize any coping mechanisms youve place in your toolbox that isnt using, write everything that is bothering you and then burn, ask yourself WHY are you feeling as you are and when you figure out that why ask yourself why again but to the 1st WHYs answer and repeat 5x and by the end of that you may have discovered the real reason to whats bothering you, causing the numbness feeling and also shed light on something you may have been unaware of that needed addressed
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You okay
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Get yourself to meetings everyday sometimes twice a day.
Pray. Meditate. Read the BB and other literature.
Continue to exercise daily as part of your routine.
We must walk through the feelings and emotions with the support of others and the God of our understanding. Early recovery can be a roller coaster ride but just donβt pick up.
We have a progressive disease that never gets better and will kill us.
You CAN do recover.
Stop obsessing on using or drinking. Change the movie thatβs playing in your head. WE have a βthinkingβ disease not a drinking, using disease.
Best wishes 
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I pray that this will pass for you, in time. My only suggestion would be to try something new that youβve always wanted to do but havenβt. Ask someone to do it with you. Find new things to bring you joy or notβ¦try new things!
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Iβm ok. Some days are just harder and other days are easier.
Iβm definitely trying to do as much of these as possible. It definitely may seem like Iβm obsessing over the thought of using but for me itβs more that Iβm obsessing over the uncomfortable feelings Iβm having and thatβs making me want to use.
This is probably exactly what I have to do honestly. I appreciate you commenting.
When youβre feeling this way, try to write down all the awesome things youβve got going on. And conversely, write down what you could be going through/what youβll lose if you do decide to pick back up again!! Also- what helps me stay clean- PLAY THE TAPE THROUGH & REMEMBER THE WITHDRAWAL! I promised myself I would never put my mind and body through that again. Itβs so awful!! If you wanna talk, reach out!
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I totally get it and am going through the same thing. I feel like Iβm just existing, not enjoying my life. My therapist named it as anhedonia. Unfortunately I have picked up a drink here and there, not drinking like I used to but playing with fire. It really sucks feeling like this.
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Youβre absolutely right. To be able to write things out. Iβve kinda did a small one of this as well as what Iβd lose if I did. I said something very similar that I wouldnβt put my mind in body through that. For me it just doesnβt help that it seems like thatβs what my body wants for me to constantly be in agonizing pain just because it gives me more of a reason to wanna end things.
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Sounds like you're on track with your life and looking for joy in it. I would def not use, because that could reset you and it could be harder to come back. For joy, faith is my go to. Dr. Tony Evans has many YouTube videos I enjoy. I think if you keep up the gym, singing lessons, etc. And focus on how these things make you feel, then it may help you get through the slump.
Thanks for being here!
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Take one day at time, sometimes minutes at a time. Your emotions are all over the place, it takes time trust and believe a sober day is better then any day in addiction even if itβs not a great day. Surround your self with sober people and read your big book. I never believed I would smile again with our drinking and drugging.
Just for day promise yourself you wonβt use, tomorrow . Keep saying that every day and it will add up. I just celebrated 22 years by the grace of God. NEVER give up on yourself.
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