Someone help me
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Just start over...your not a failure...everyone struggles. .pray for help...GOD hears you! You got this!
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Hayley, you’re not a failure! Just a student of life. I’m almost 17 years sober, but was a chronic relapser for a couple decades. Believe me, everyone including me thought I was a failure. But I know now that those were lessons that became tools for me to help others.
We get back up, go to AA/NA etc., meetings, do the 12 steps thoroughly and learn from our mistakes. Then help others achieve the same freedom.
I’m here if you want to talk or have any questions.
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Go to 90 meetings in 90 days,listen at meetings, get a phone list,call people on the list,get a sponsor, read to page 107 in the NA blue book, do step work with a sponsor
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Hi Hayley. Stay close to whoever is closest to you in recovery. It's really important to get support. Hopefully you have a good support group. We can't do this alone 
Grief is one of the heaviest things a person can carry. Losing your partner and trying to stay sober through that? That’s unimaginable weight. A relapse doesn’t erase four years of strength. It just means you’re human and hurting.
Please don’t give up on yourself. Come back to today. One breath, one choice at a time. You are not alone here. We are glad you’re here. 
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4 years is a huge accomplishment! We may start our sobriety count over when we relapse, but we can still feel proud about all of those days, weeks, months, years that we were sober . Sending condolences for the loss of your partner. Grief is so difficult. ❤‍🩹 (maybe you can find a grief support group for your loss)
You're not a failure, just like they said start over this is a learning lesson you need to learn how to be at peace with yourself and just know God is with you pray i lost my mom in September and just lost my dad in December so I know what you're feeling 
but the drink is not the problem the problem is we don't know how to live without it it is possible to stay sober through this i just picked up my 18 year chip in January you are a blessing and you can leave me a message anytime you want before you drink not after because I can't help after that good luck
I hear you. Not easy . Going to meetings have help.
Stay focused! It gets better pain don't last always. This is a great place to share you can get stuff of your chest and not have to worry about people that are in our lives holding it against you God loves you and allow you to go through hard times so that you can learn to lean on him and build a relationship with him 
he got you and it will get better i jus lost a wife after 12 years who is in love with someone else today makes 8 months for me and I'm refusing to let anyone or anything have my sorority! Trust God and what he is doing in your life it will get better
Condolences
And welcome back
Thank you everyone for your support and tips I appreciate it so much