I'm in bad shape (mentally) due to my father losing his battle with cancer. I've known this day would come sooner rather than later but as we get closer to his "homecoming" the thought of me carrying my father to his final resting place terrifies me. On the surface I'm wearing a mask. I'm at a lost. I know "me" and I can feel that storm inside.
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So sorry 
I can imagine it must be rough inside, but I know your at a lost! Try and keep strong! 
I’m so sorry to hear this. Revelation 21:4. Sending prayers of comfort your way 🫶🏽
That's rough. Neither of my parents saw 65. But drink or anything else isn't going to help. Stay straight to honor your dad...make him proud to look down and say, "that's my son."
When I lost my dad it was the hardest day of my life. Then I came to a point when I realized that he was suffering and living just for us and that wasn't fair for him. He was in a lot of pain because of his Parkinson's and he just wanted to go and be with his family that had already passed. I guess that was the only way I could find some comfort in. It is knowing that he wanted to go be with his family. Now I live to Honor this amazing life he left behind for us to live. He bought a house and gave it to us and I honored him through that by letting other people that are addicts come stay with me and try to be sober. I'm getting my family sober because of him. It's a great honor
I say this to say that prayer is the key. I know a lot of people say that but I'm saying it because it what brought me out of the darkness. Yah(God) heard my prayers and help me, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I didn't recognize it until I one day said I haven't been depressed or anxious in a while. He also took the desire to drug or drink anymore. Prayers work because Yah is close to those of a broken or contrite heart 
, try and believe and trust he'll do it.
Sending love and prayers your way. Your Dad lives on in you and you have the gift that he gave you of life. Honor his legacy and remember he loves you. Trying times come and go for all of us. Try to speak to your higher power, whomever that may be. Trust that universal force and let it guide you.
My condolences to you and your family. I’m praying for you. Praying God gives you His Strength so that you will be strong through this. God is with you, you are never alone, call on Him and He will help you.
RJ, I’m so sorry you’re carrying this. Anticipatory grief can feel like living in two realities at once… knowing what’s coming while still trying to function in the now.
You don’t have to wear the mask here. That storm you feel inside makes sense. Loving someone deeply means the goodbye will feel just as deep.
Be gentle with yourself in this season. There is no “right” way to walk through it. We’re here with you. 
RJ, I lost my father in early sobriety. He was my best friend on the planet. He wanted me to carry on as a sober man of service to others.
He’s in heaven and has zero problems. So I’m a little jealous but glad I am sober and serving others. I’m here if you want to talk