Im new here and i dont have any friends yet. I want to get back into recovery. My life literally depends on it. I have a few days of sobriety now and am having real dark thoughts. I had a great life as a result of years of recovery but then had some traumatic events that i dealt with by relapsing. I was out for a decade and somehow lived to be where i am today. Which just feels empty, hollow, and lonely. Wanting to be whole again. Wanting purpose and direction. But lacking hope that i will get it now. I am 55. Is that too old to start over? The only thing i own is a car that is not driveable until i have the money to fix it. I am unemployed and will likely be homeless by the end of the month. My family loves me but doesn’t trust me or believe a word that comes out of my mouth. Either do I. I live in Spokane, Washington and have no friends now that I am not getting loaded. I am going to meetings and hear the positive changes that others experienced and have a flicker of hope for a little while. It feels good. It doesnt last long though when i get back to the reality i have turned my life into. I dont know how much longer i can do this. I have a history of giving up and i am very good at making poor choices! I feel like i need something positive to happen, like get a call back on any of the hundred applications i have submitted last week, or make a friend, or God letting me know somehow that he is still willing to give me a chance. Im scared to death that my fears this time are real and so far i haven’t gotten any indication that they are not. The fact that i just said all of this to a huge group of people i don’t even know and that i am so concerned anout me, me, me is yet another indication on how sick i have become. I apologize. I hope this is a tirning point in my life. Something different is my goal. That is my only hope. I dont even know what I want it to look like. I just don’t want what i have any longer. That is what i pray for.
It is never too late to make changes in your life especially the ones you can control. Sure, as you said you have a history of giving up and you keep coming back cause deep down you don't want to live like this. And it's okay you're saying this is all about you, it's your life and you want help and support in your journey when you have a crisis.
Thanks Shaak. I am still here and I have to believe there is a purpose. I’m sure things will get better with time.
It's totally fine for you to say whatever you need to say. And no it's never too late to make a change !! This is the only life we're given. We're entitled to make changes for the better whenever we want .... My grandma stopped drinking at 75 years old. It was amazing to watch .
Families can be a touchy subject . Just try to put yourself in their shoes and try to be more patient and understanding.... Then do everything In your power to prove them wrong. I'm sorry you're going through all of this ...but it will pass.
You can do whatever your heart desires. I was on the streets for a decade as well
Just do what makes you happy.
Its never too late to make the changes that you want to make its a rough road but look you have made it this far you and only you can turn your life around I've heard sober living shelters help alot you can also reach out to churches the help is out there you just have to want it not because you have too but because you want it and trust in your higher power that it's going to happen and know it's not going to happen over night
God got you ,You’ve got be strong
You have taken the first two steps already! Reaching out for help and looking for a new support system. I'm from Florida, so a long way from you, but I'm here if you need a friend!
I'm new to this app as well, 2 weeks in. Good luck to you and I am here if you want to talk to someone who can relate.
Thanks Joey. I am thankful for your encouragement.
Thanks Farrah. I only know what doesn’t make me happy right now but I have hope that I will find happiness again.
I needed to hear that Tina. Thank you. I am here because it’s what I want. I’m just fearful and have little faith in myself. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and hope to find strength and confidence.
Thanks Shirley.
I do need friends Audrey! Even if they are across the country! Thanks.
Thanks Jess. And I appreciate you.
Never too late! You have done it once before and you will do it again. Welcome to the group!
I feel like you being alive, being here, being open, and being honest is God showing you that not only is He still willing to give you a chance, He’s giving you a chance. I know this is cliche, but it’s true, “life is tough but so are you”. You’ve made it through 100% of your bad days so far! You got this, William!! 
I hate to drop pharmacology on you and it's not for everyone, but I'm dependent on medication to keep me on track and mental health goes hand in hand with sobriety. Either way, keep reaching out and sharing!
You guys are awesome! I’m glad I found this app. Thank you Mandy, Christa, and Jay and if I overlooked anyone, it was not intentional. I am grateful for all the feedback and welcomes. I’m still at that awkward feeling stage but caring people like you will shorten this period of weirdness so again, thank you all!
William, 55 is not too old. People rebuild at 60, 70, even later. What you’re facing is hard but not impossible. I hit my 50’s and started to think the same thing and then I was like… NO WAY, substance took too many years it doesn’t get the rest. You’re as young as you feel. I keep myself busy, enjoy doing new things and love creativity. It occupied my mind.
You’ve got a few days sober with a few things going on. That’s a lot, but you’ve done this before. You had years of recovery once. That means you know how to do it. The skills are still there.
Right now, your only job is to not drink today. That’s it. Not fix the car, not solve homelessness, not rebuild trust. Just don’t drink today. Tomorrow, same thing.
You’re in Spokane. Are you connected to any services? Shelters, job programs, anything? If not, let me know and I’d be happy to help you figure it out.
Keep posting how you’re doing so we can support you.