Im not normally one to open up but for the first time since ive been over the initial withdrawals im feelin helpless. My brother has been in and out of the system and everybodys lives since i was 7. I looked up to him for the longest time until i realized right from wrong. About 8 months ago he was diagnosed with brain cancer and hes been locked up for all of it. He started a chemo regiment and he beat it now a few months later its back with liver and kidney failure from the chemo. Now im findin myself mad at him and sad feeling like me and his kids never got to know my brother and we might never get the chance. Ik theres not much advice anybody can give and honestly i dont even know what the question is i just really had to let that out.
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I’m sorry for what you’re going through 
it’s good to let all these feelings and thoughts out and I totally know it’s frustrating that there really isn’t anything we can do sometimes..I hope your brother gets better and I hope that you feel better. I pray that you don’t feel hopeless for long, I have faith that you’ll feel better, it is just a rough patch. It’s going to be okay 🩵, that’s what I try to tell myself.
Sounds like you would resent not trying to connect with your brother. That's not necessarily the case with your kids. Have you tried visiting him? Visitors are generally a bright light in a dark place. You could tell him all about your family if you see him. And put some coffee money on his books. 🫰
I try to live today from the perspective of of the serenity prayer. Is it a situation I have to accept or can I do something. My brother Hugh drank himself to death at age 41. You’re doing your very best today, I hope you accept that be kind to you that self love first will put you in a place to be useful and helpful to others as you move through sobriety
Glad you shared this. You’re not weak for feeling that. You’re strong for not stuffing it.