I'm not really sure what I'm doing in life. I went to rehab and had 6 months after that. I then relapsed and now I feel like I've woken up this monster inside me. I also feel like a sponsor isn't enough. I'm not really sure what a sponsor is supposed to do but I feel like I need a sober coach. Someone that literally doesn't leave me alone about sobriety and MAKES me go through the steps. I'm sick, I'm tired and I'm lost. I don't trust myself, and I can't do this by myself and even attending AA meetings still makes me feel like I'm alone. AA folk are only friends with you if your sober, and that upsets me. I don't feel like they even care. I need help.
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Good news! You get to do pretty much whatever you want to but use. Keep a list of things you want to do and when you are bored or depressed, go back to that list and try something out!
Your sobriety is your own. It’s not that AA people don’t want to be friends with those who are not sober, it’s that we are looking after our own sobriety. There are other programs you can check out, maybe try one of those. Good luck man. I hope you find the peace we all deserve.
Matt, there is a difference between lapse and relapse. Lapse is when u fall but yr actions show exactly what u r choosing to do by sharing, getting back up, dusting yourself off, asking for help, seeking for any other solution other than to go back to that all consuming darkness that feeds the insecurities and doubts we hold within as a way to win, grace is a most powerful and endless gift. You are worthy of the freedom from a solution that does not define who we are or can be. You choose who you are, the struggle is real know that there are others who can love and care simply due to knowledge and experiences in which are relatable.
Yes, I truly understand that. But at the same time, I need people by my side always. Not just when they benefit from it. I understand protecting their own sobriety but where does that leave the people that need them when they are struggling? Alone?
Not at all, but if you truly do not trust in your self, maybe go back to rehab? I do benefit from helping someone work steps, or needs to talk. On the other hand, l have my own stuff going on. We help each other. If you put your ability to not pick up on someone else, you have a built in excuse as to why you couldn’t. That’s a lot to ask of someone
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Yes it is a lot to ask of somebody. I realize that. But at the same time, I benefit from having a "leader" someone to tell me what to do for a while until I can pick up the habit. Such as a personal trainer or a nutritionist or somebody like that. Somebody that tells me what I need to do until it becomes a habit.
Well I hope you find what you need. Rehab, or a therapist maybe? Good luck man.
Thanks Tim. I appreciate you.