Im really struggling. I know i should go to meetings. But i just want to “feel better” emotionally and physically so im a little less overwhelmed by emotion when i go. But i’m not getting past day two for at least a month now. Not every time is a bender but enough to still feel it the next day. I dont know, i feel like im running out of options. And the way you just cant trust yourself anymore to stay sober still makes no sense to me. I know I’m an alcoholic, I’ve proven it over and over. During my stretches of sobriety life gets so much easier, and i don’t know why i crawl back
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I had the same problem. And then I realized I had a lot of fear and ego in me. Both fed into wild ways I'd justify anything to just feel numb.
So here's what I did that I know worked/helped...
I write a journal entry like this:
How I'm feeling- I'm feeling fear in completely surrendering, but I'm still feeling joy, love, and gratefulness
What I'm struggling with- surrendering, meditating deeper, fear of the unknown
Grateful list (at least 5 and try for small, direct things)
-my new clothes
-Christmas with my sober support
-my christmas lights in my room
-my accomplishment of the 1st phase of rehab
Also it goes in 3s.
3rd hour is rough
3rd day is rough
3rd week is rough
But you just take it one day at a time, and just tell yourself, "ill get high/drunk tomorrow."
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Also, start celebrating your sober days! It retrains your mind from dwelling on the, "well I had x amount of time sober"
You HAVE x amount of time sober.
Stay in the present. You can't change the past or future, but you'll miss the present thinking you can.
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Ive been an addict since I was 13 I'm 32 now. And I have what I believe is to easy a recovery I don't have urges or triggers surprisingly (at least not that I know) so I don't need meeting to keep my head in the right space(but the meeting help my focus) my higher power is the spiritual connection I have to all people. Those emotions that you bare can get heavy but going to meeting and sharing with others can help you let go and help you get through them. We are social creatures when you don't let emotions out with somebody your going to look for a unhealthy coping mechanism. In the words of Nike "just do it" go to a meeting find a sponsor and seek the help you need. Good luck on your journey, friend.
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Because it sounds like you need professional help because that was me. When I got medically detoxed and put on a craving medication, joined AA, Early Recovery with other amazing people I celebrated 4+ years. This cannot be done alone. You need to dumb that booze and please get the right help. So worth it. 
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Jon, keep it simple. When you get serious, go to AA meetings daily, get a sponsor, do the 12 steps to best of your ability.
No craving medication, is going to fix your alcoholism.
I’m here if you want to talk. I’ll friend request you now.
I suggest that you look up Annie Grace … she can help! I read her 2 books called This Naked Mind & The Alcohol Experiment. She’s on YouTube & has a podcast. Download her app called This Naked Mind Companion App (free) where you will get support. I borrowed her books for free from the library. She is the absolute best when it comes to helping people forgive themselves & get sober
It helps with cravings. I didn’t say FIX IT the alcoholism. Did you not read my entire message.
It’s okay to feel stuck sometimes. Meetings might help ease some of what you’re carrying, sending strength your way! 
stay tuned, LOOSID’s S monthly meeting is coming up soon
Did not mean to offend. Happy holidays to you.
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Same to you. I know for myself I had to take Campral. I was so bad.
We do what we gotta do to get where we need to be😉
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It seems to me that your struggling every couple of days why not focus on what you can do to stay busy stay focused on what you can do to keep your mind off of the things that give you that emotional state to wanna pick up you recognize it work around it you can do it your opening up to get help that means you want it don’t give in 
I am happy at 4 years no alcohol. Love my sober life.