I'm really struggling lately. I now understand after being a retread trying to get this clean and sober thing right so many times that my using has always bottom line been about my undealt with trauma and needing to heal from it. I am taking so many baby steps each day in different areas of this healing journey because I want more then anything to get this right this time. But i jave hit a wall that i cannot figure out how to get past. I was given the "homework" to write myself a forgiveness letter and for the life of me i cant get past "dear me"
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Hi Aleece,
Be patient and kind with yourself. Every baby step adds to bigger steps.
Forgiving yourself is a very hard thing to do. Think about the baby steps you’ve been taking and the bigger goal you have for self and how that compares to where you’ve been. Forgiveness (even of ourselves) takes time.
That’s a hard assignment but I believe in you. You got this!
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Thank you so much for your encouragements im so blessed to have found this app. 
Hi Aleece 
A quick note about myself, to you, so you'll know I speak from experience. I have a lifetime ( 30 years ) of using and drinking ( started about age 12-13 ) And now over 7 years clean and sober. I can tell you why I and most of us use and drink. We just want to feel "good" or "better" With this we have trained ourselves to believe a "quick fix" is possible. Take the pill, drink the drink, snort, smoke the whatever and voila.... All better for now. Because of this I think we expect the same "quick fix" with pretty much everything. Forgiveness is a process. In my experience a learned one. Forgiveness of yourself, may be even tougher to understand than forgiving those that may have hurt you. Even though it may feel like you've hit a wall please know if you decided to sober up, clean up and be the you, you were meant to be you have already cleared the biggest wall in your journey AWARENESS ! Something in your heart told you being high, drunk etc is NOT your life. You were and are meant for bigger and greater things. If not already hit AA and or NA meetings. You will get the support needed to help clear all other walls you feel you have hit. Just know it may not always seem the way you think things should be or turn out the way you think things should turn out but that's the whole point. Trust, faith and forgiveness comes from a place of higher power. I'll leave it there because it is not my place to tell you who or what that higher power is. Just know that higher power chose you. Pulled you out of the darkness and into the light. Sober and clean is the first step into that light. God bless 
Hope this helps 
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The top of your paper write. Capital letters. Thank you God for the words.
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Be easy on yourself
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Thank you everyone for your encouragement and support.