I'm struggle so hard this time around getting clean. I want to yet i think I'm so afraid to deal with all that I'll have to when i do or life itself I am so unhappy that I cover it up by using I'm always the strong one for everyone else and I'm always on the go taking care of everyone and then today I found out I might cervical cancer and that just makes me want to cover up my real feelings there cause the thing that sent me Into relapse was losing my dad to lung cancer 
Hi, Desirae. You might have cervical cancer. I know that's intimidating and scary. Let's try our best to stay focused. Worrying won't change a thing- you'll just be robbed of peace.
We know you need to get sober. That's the best thing you can do for yourself. Sobriety brings clarity, joy, and can restore many areas.
I know you've always been strong for everyone else now you need to be strong for you. Focus on getting sober and if you are diagnosed with cancer you can take care of that, too.
You have so much going on now. Take care of you. Eat healthy. Sleep. Go to all your doctor appointments. Attend meetings. Connect with others here. Hang in there.
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It's easier said than done, but until you get the results, stressing out won't accomplish anything. I know that sounds hollow coming from a stranger but that mindset really helps me.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. This community and the recovery community in general is there for you though!
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Well you've made a step at least 
cowing on here and seeking help. If you've been clean before, dI'd you do NA or AA?
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so glad youre posting on here & getting vulnerable with us. Thank you- I just want to let you know that it’s much easier to be strong for other people and not for ourselves. Please don’t beat yourself up, getting sober is scary, the scariest thing I ever did in my life but the best thing I ever did. I pray you dont have cervical cancer- but sobriety also gives you a chance to get the treatment you may need for it.
maybe going to treatment is a good idea, getting Away and having professionals help you cope / build coping skills.
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Just wanted to say thank you first off to all the encouraging words. I emailed a recovery advocate maybe a week ago one late night and I finally spoke over the phone with her today and she sent me some links to go get a assignment done and what not so I will be spending Thanksgiving with loved ones and then I'm going to do my damnedest to get this done in the week to come. To the question about when I got clean the first time did I do AA OR NA. No a person busted in my house threatening to kill us and my at the time 3 yr old daughter was standing there pissing herself scared I looked at her grabbed her up took her to my cousin's house went back packed up the whole entire apartment put it all in storage went grabbed my daughter drove 3.5 hours to my dads went to my room there withdrawal alone in there for about a month and then came and started my life back up. I feel like maybe I was alot stronger back then. Lot mores happened in my life. See the thing is everyone in my life acts like my life is messed up because I got back on drugs but that's not the case. My life got messed up and then I got back on drugs then things just went deeper and deeper. But thank you all so much I think this app might be a good thing
Yes! This story show you have the strength!!!
But, the thing to start thinking about in my opinion, is that addiction is STRONG, and cunning, and very real as a disease or medical problem. It sucks to do it alone but you do not have to. That is why I brought up na and aa, they are full of people who just want to be clean, there really isn't judgment. And its free. I am honestly not all in for na or aa, but it is an option, there are others.
The main point is, your do not have to do it alone, if you reach out, there is help. And, if you are in MN, it happens that there are very good public assistance programs for addiction available.
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Thank you I def already tend a place thursday nights I started going to support my bf whom was my first love 20yewrs ago and looked for each other over 20 year and never could find each other and then just one day bam but he goes to place called chain breakers and I went just to support and right away found myself loving it there and everyone in it. Then go to church every Sunday it's all really helped its just that first initial walk in into treatme t scares me
It is a bit unsettling with all of the unknowns.
Have you been looking into treatment?
Even though I am in Portland now, I literally just came from MN. If you want, I could let you know about the steps I needed to take for treatment in MN. Feel free to DM if you are more comfortable.