I’ve been trying to stay strong through all of this, but I’m not going to lie—I feel like I’m getting really close to breaking under the stress.
I chose to come to treatment on my own because I wanted to do better and build a real life for myself. But now I’m stuck in a situation I didn’t expect, and I can’t even leave because my PO won’t let me switch programs. So I feel trapped.
Everything here is unpredictable. There’s no real schedule, groups get changed around, and it’s causing me to miss work. You know how hard I’ve been trying to keep my job and get my life together—this is putting all of that at risk, and it’s scary.
It feels like I don’t have control over anything. We have to ask for passes 48 hours ahead of time and they can still say no. After group it feels like lockdown. I don’t feel like I’m actually living, just existing under rules I can’t plan around.
Group itself hasn’t even been helpful. It’s the same topics over and over, and instead of being taught I’m expected to teach. One of the facilitators has been singling me out, saying I have “bad energy” without explaining it. I participate, I answer questions, I do what I’m supposed to, and I still got kicked out of group twice.
Meanwhile other people can do whatever and nothing happens. It makes me feel targeted, like no matter what I do it’s not enough.
I filed a grievance because I felt like I had to stand up for myself, and since then things have gotten worse. I’ve been asking for things in writing—basic things—and they refuse or only say things verbally. Then they change what they said. It makes me feel like I have no protection and no proof of anything.
There have also been some really serious things that happened here. The unsafe driver was fired, but someone named Kelvin died from a heart attack, and that shook me. There have been times staff didn’t answer when police showed up. The whole environment just doesn’t feel stable.
Now they’re saying I might not even get a completion certificate, just a letter, even though that’s not what they told me before.
I have screenshots, emails, everything documented. I’ve been trying to handle this the right way, stay respectful, and just finish so I can move forward.
But I’m exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. I feel like I’m constantly on edge, like one wrong move and everything I’ve worked for could be taken from me.
I’m still fighting. I’m not giving up. But right now… I’m really overwhelmed and I just needed someone who knows me to understand what I’m going through.
