I'm trying to change my environment. I haven't had any sustained sober days in about 2 years. before that, I had daily contact with others who were staying sober. I don't know any sober people other than immediate family. I feel I've burned my bridges with people who used to support me in AA . It's just a way of life where I live and the only thing I focus on. Feeling drunk, high, or guilty. Even with this app, I feel like I'm wasting your time. I can't go to detox or treatment. I just want things like they used to be.
You can do all things through Christ. Just give it a try. Can't hurt
Hey Roy, I’ve been coming on this app for almost a year and I see that you keep coming back. That’s so inspiring man. You’re going to get there.
If 1 aa group isn’t working, try another. Or NA. Or SMART. You’re not alone. I’m here if you need to chat.
Thanks Craig,
I just don't know anyone around me wanting to be sober. I, sick as I am, tend to miss them. But it's every night, “where to score”. Nobody is shoving it down my throat, but if I'm not part of that problem, I'm alone. But I do keep coming back. Maybe I can take a little isolation from friends that are conditional upon me partying with them. I wish I could just go to treatment for a while but I'm in school and I can't. I need to make some new friends.
Hey man. Reach out if you want to chat. I have heard of many folks who tried and failed many times before they got it right. Hell, who knows, I may too. Keep trying.
Hey Roy,
Have you ever heard that we are sure to lose everything we put in front of our sobriety?
I am not one to ever criticize education. I do wonder, however, if the time, money and energy you’re currently putting towards school would be better spent on getting clean and sober.
It’s hard work cleaning up. But it’s worth it. And the rewards come quickly. Want to get sober, go to meetings. Want to stay sober, go to meetings and work the steps. Want sober friends, go to meetings and go out for pizza and coffee with them afterwards. If you put all the effort that you put into staying high and drunk into getting clean and sober, you’ll win.
The drugs don’t work. If they did you wouldn’t be in the guilt/shame/remorse/relapse cycle. Getting fucked up is only pressing pause. The problems that you’re avoiding are waiting for you when you come down and sleep it off.
Man you know all this stuff. But I understand the fear of giving up the things that you feel most secure with. It took me until my whole life was gone from me. Kids, gone. Job gone. Friends gone. Dignity gone. And pride was still telling me I could do it on my own. But I couldn’t. So I went to a 12 step meeting and I asked for help. I had a felony case. 3 CPS cases, child support enforcement, custody enforcement, and I was still fooling myself into thinking I had things under control, and that I was a victim of bad luck and circumstances. I blamed everyone and everything for my “bad luck”.
I got it all back. And it started 451 days ago when I finally admitted complete defeat against alcohol. Powerless. Unmanageable. Fucked.
You can do it. I hope you don’t wait as long as I did.
2 Likes
Amazingly put Craig!
Thanks Craig, you are totally right.
I've been having fear of losing relationships that are sick in the first place. I'll get back to meetings face-to-face at least daily. Yeah, daily is probably the minimum for me now. I appreciate what you said about losing everything in front of you., My expectation are all wrong about the relationships I have with unsober friends. I hold them to the highest standards, much higher than myself. You're right, I do know this. just to put it into action…today.
1 Like
Yeah, it helps. I have a different, and lesser value, for higher power than I did when I was sober. So much better. I'm a backslidden believer. But while I am breathing I'll try to associate myself with believers. I do better with 12-step and organized religion, just to balance myself. I don't get why God cares. But I tend to judge myself. Thanks for your interest.
1 Like