I am usually a positive person and extremely helpful whenever I can be. After this past week, I learned that it’s just me who I have that is like that. I have never sent out an SOS text before. I texted one friend and asked her if she could meet me and that I was not doing well. I’ve never uttered those words before. She answered that she couldn’t leave work (which I understand, I did not expect her to), but then did the “but we should meet up soon.” Ever since then she keeps just sending random texts with “you ok?” No I’m not fxxing ok. I texted you on a random Wednesday at 3:30 saying I was not doing well. That alone should have sent off alarm bells. Then while I was drunk, I asked my neighbor if she wanted to go for a walk with me. This was very out of character for our relationship so again, maybe a clue that I was not ok. But then during the walk I was obviously intoxicated and no follow up after that. I’d like to think I would at least pop over the next day and just say no worries but you maybe didn’t seem yourself. So the friend who finally did come to see me, accidentally drove away with some of my stuff in her car and she just texted me a pic of the things and wants me to pick them up. Heaven forbid she drop them off knowing that I am also alone this weekend. I would totally understand if this was the 3rd or 4th time I pulled something like this but she has actually never seen me drunk so I’ve never asked her for help. I texted my SIL and told her I was not doing well and that my husband (her brother) could use the support because I was causing him a lot of stress. She texted back oh no. That’s it except for the next day asking me if I was ok. Again, I’ve never asked you for help EVER and this is the best you can do? I love all of the kindness campaigns and the “text a friend if you need help” commercials. Jesus Christ. Apparently they’ve never met my “friends.” I will never be able to hang out with these people again because every time I look at them all I’ll be able to think is you are so awful to me.
I also am a helper. I help everyone. I go above and beyond. I have put myself in financially hard times to help “friends.” Those friends rarely and I mean hardly ever attempt to help me back. At times I have felt like I paid for their friendship. At times, if they did something that hurt me I would speak up and be like “wait, I just helped you and your treating me this way?” A select few of them determined that was me “throwing it in their face that I did something for them.” They would say terrible things to me like this is why no one wants you to help them or take anything from you, because eventually they always hear about what you did for them. I got sick of it and clearly explained to my cousin this summer that, it is basically a cry for communication and understanding as in I helped you why are you hurting someone who helped you. I told her I was done letting people make me feel bad for helping them and then sharing my feelings. So I put it out there. 2 weeks later I helped her with her car payment and right after that she hurt me. I kept my mouth shut and to myself but she kept texting me here and there… Asking questions, which I answered. Then one night she told me she hoped I knew she still cared even though she’s been distant. I then tried to communicate with her that once again she hurt me after I helped her. Low and behold she did it again! She replied, this is why everyone gets mad at you. You do something for them and they have to hear about it. First of all, who is everyone? Her, one other girl who started that idea, and her ungrateful son I helped over and over. They didn’t have a problem taking from me when they were whining about their problems and I paid their way. Anyway, I blocked her. I haven’t talked to any of them in weeks. I’m tired of them trying to make me feel like something is wrong with me for communicating my feelings. I don’t know, maybe I am wrong. Maybe they are right. Maybe it is me or the way I communicate my pain. Or maybe they have been gaslighting me. I’ve been lonely since I blocked them, but I cannot let them keep hurting me. Sorry this is so long winded. Your comment struck my emotions. Hang in there.
And these people I mentioned also knew I was not ok. I never ask for help. They knew and still disrespected and hurt me. I understand how you feel.