In a hole

Struggling Help
#1

I'm almost 34 and feel stuck in a dysfunctional relationship. I gave up alcohol and drugs almost a year ago, but she still uses. It doesn't tempt me, but I feel like I'm wasting my time in what should be the years that determine where my life goes for the next 10+ years. All responsibilities fall on me. Maintaining some standards of living has become a unilateral chore. The other day, I really wanted to go for more than a few drinks just to experience some of that numbing again...

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#2

Play it forward and you will see that it won’t help your situation. Sit with the feeling and let it pass. You will be so happy you did.

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#3

If you’re serious about your sobriety you’re going to have to make a tough decision if your GF does not change her ways.

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#4

Have you worked the 12 steps?

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#5

Stick with it, it is worth it. I do not know about you, but for me, man I cannot handle being around drunks sober.. I think in your heart you probably already know what is the best choice for you. Change is scary and staying in the comfort zone always seems safe… take a leap of faith, you may surprise yourself. You got this!

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#6

That's exactly how it went. I never get cravings, but this one time I felt completely defeated, like it was all pointless.

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#7

Thanks, mate. The relationship IS becoming a burden and a source of too much stress. Definitely not what I need right now. And you are right, I feel like I will have to move on.

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#8

I haven't. I've been going at it pretty much alone except for the two co-workers who decided to join me shortly after.

#9

Thank you for your kind words, Miranda. I am aware it is worth it. Better put: we are worth it. It aimple never was difficult to keep up until 2 days ago. I am afraid that what you know I know is where this is going. Ever since going sober I've realized how much idealization I projected onto her. I've been living in the future where everything is better, a future that most likely will never become a reality. She, on the other hand, lives in the past in which she misses the old days, the old me, and insists we could be just like that while I remain sober. Living together makes things far more complicated :persevere:

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#10

My own experiences, the 12 steps cover Recovery saved my life. I just celebrated 23 years clean and sober. So my advices give it a try work the 12 steps fully. And your life will change.

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#11

Nothing changes if nothing changes, sounds like time for a change. Good luck.

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#12

Man.. i completely get it… I dated someone (the last relationship I was in) I wasn’t sober through the whole relationship.. and after becoming sober (me not him) I don’t know what I was thinking.. I still see the one I fell in love with but in reality he never existed… I have been friends with him still while it is hard trying to get him to go to rehab.. mine had a narsasistic controlling posessive verbally abusive evil spirit on him.. sounds crazy o know, but God opened my eyes to
See it

#13

Well if someone isn’t smart enough to meet you halfway or to at least try and do their best by doing that then if you love that person that much and give them advice are encourage them to go to rehab or recovery 

#14

I left a 17 year relationship when I realized he would get me high before I would ever get him clean! Stay strong nothing is worth your sanity :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

#15

IMMEDIATELY find the ripcord, pull it and bail!! You owe it to yourself and her.
Your sobriety is the #1 priority or it’s not. In my experience SLIP is sobriety losing its priority.
It’s time🫠

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#16

Hi all, figured I should update you. I'm still at it, over 9 months sober sober. I took action and told my gf we can't go on. I'm giving her time as well as compassion to gather herself and move out by July. I'm grateful to have found this group with all these beautiful people. Much love :heart:

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