NM not ready for my story online sorry. Had whole novel written out. Don't know if it would stop my military retirement. I can say is if I'm drunk I can't lead our Sons and Daughters. Changed my life.
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If you do things you regret when you’re drinking, then you don’t love who you are when you’re drinking. There is no “proper” way for a human being to act. Most likely the people around you are just more outgoing, that doesn’t apply for everyone. If the drink isn’t worth the regret and anxiety, put it down. Maybe you’re just an extrovert, maybe you need friends with similar interest, maybe it’s something else entirely but you’ll never find out until you give yourself (just you with nothing added) a chance. Good luck!
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Thanks. Typically I regret a lot when I’m sober, too so 
I’m kind of a lost cause 
I completely get what you are saying. I have to avoid a lot of friends because they pressure me to imbibe due to being so much more personable and fun I am while drinking. I feel that I'm actually quicker witted, my vocabulary is better, smoother, what have you. And , honestly, that may be true from drinks two to four or five ,but I personally blast by that and go off the rails. I imagine you use over that "social lubricant" threshold being that you are finding your drinking problematic. Ive learned to work out the whole scenario after that first drink in my mind. Essentially, the first few following drink involve a lot of fun , great conversation, dancing, whatever. But, at some point in the night, I inevitably go over that threshold then it's followed by more drinks , embarrassing actions, more drinks, possibly cocaine (in my case), regrettable actions, blacking out or sometimes browning out, passing out, hangover. I'm sure your hypothetical night is not as bad as mine but you get the gist. If it becomes a detriment to the rest of your life at some point after that first drink , it's just not worth the few hours of your more fun, personable self, which is more about pleasing others anyway. You need to focus on yourself and your sobriety , then learn how to be more fun and personable while sober. Believe me you can do it. A lot of that "funner self" is our own perception as well and we may not be as suave as we think 
. Anyhew.....
Working out the inevitable following events help me not pick up that first drink. Although, some events where my "funnest, smoothest" really thrived (i.e. wedding receptions) I simply avoid. The temptation of reactivating my perceived "better self " is too great still. In a nutshell, you can actually master both worlds; being in control and calculated , while being fun , personable,etc. It just takes time and practice. Good luck on your journey 
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Yeah Ill be honest I can totally relate ....however this is the effect of becoming so distant from our capabilities as a person we You must re learn how to dance without the substance , laugh watch movies and become happy doing it without the substitute...because who we really are has nothing to do with the alcohol or drugs . We just forgot what it was like to enjoy life without it .... We are the only ones who can say what our lives have in store for us .... I bet you're just as awesome sober but it only matters what you see and how you view yourself . Shift your perspective and change your world. God bless you
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I can identify. I would be lying if I said that all my drinking adventures were terrible. I had good times when drinking. But I always overshot the fun.
Waking with regret and anxiety doesn’t happen to normal drinkers. They have a few drinks to relax and end it there. I could never do that.
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All of this! We may be the same person. 
it will definitely be hard for me to figure out who I am without drinking and how to be more social without it.
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You just have to find a new norm. It will come. I was the same way. Mindset WILL change. You just have to want it. Best of luck.
Thank you!
It’s fun until it isn’t fun anymore. The humiliation of the next day continually got worse to the point of seriously contemplating suicide. That’s when I decided to save myself and the only way to do that was to stop drinking. For forever.
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This doesn't make you a lost cause, it makes you human. Even more so it makes you a human who is not afraid to apologize, to admit their mistakes. That's actually a pretty remarkable thing, not everyone has that and certainly not to that extent. It is a big part of what makes you, you, and that in and of itself is special and amazing.
Thank you so much 
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I feel the same way until the next morning when I feel like I made an fool of myself. That’s when all the shame and quilt starts
Definitely. I’ve been there. But I also rationalize with myself by saying “you don’t alllwayyys make an fool of yourself” 
I can rationalize anything to myself in an instant, for me once I’ve done that, my day / night could go either way as well. I’m beginning to say ti myself more and more I the morning I have to get it together. And I will for a few days, rationalize it and repeat
Alcohol made me feel completely invisible but that was all a lie. Wake up and just be yourself and most importantly get to a meeting everyday and get a sponsor with a lot of sobriety.
You are only a lost cause if you allow yourself to be. Get in the game of a sober life!
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I was the same way. Once you get it out of your life, everything will be clear. You will find your true self. You will be happier with out it. I promise. Take it one day at a time. You can do it. Good luck !! You got this !!
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I was in the same boat as you. Once I stopped drinking I learned how to really love me!! I’m now just as outgoing, more fun to be around and I embrace the new world and my fellowship with open arms. I thank my higher power for another day sober.
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My worse days sober are much better than my best days drunk.
When I drink all bets are off and I’m a wildcard.
When I’m sober. I’m someone to someone. And I don’t wake up the next day full of fear and remorse.
Keep going there’s a miracle waiting for ya.
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