First let me start by apologizing for any bad grammar or poor spelling. Im not here to be an editor. Also this could be offensive to some folks so if you are sensitive to things that are hard truths to swallow sometimes, read it anyway. Be strong and step outside your shell. It helps. Anyway sorry but im not sorry. Also im not here to stir uo drama or argue im simply just ranting and putting my thoughts out there. Its for me. You can take from it what you want. Just dont hold me accountable for you decision and your reactions. Thank you i love you all and wish you the very best.
Now…
Im not going to exile the people and friends in my life that choose to continue using. They didn’t walk away from me. Many times have heard 12step programs tell me “those are not your friends” and in a way they’re correct. They are my family, my brothers and my sisters. They are people that stuggle with pains that im too familiar with. Things that i also struggle with. How can anyone tell me, not ask but tell me to chastise them for it. While i wont have any part of them feeding their addictions in my person spaces, home or wherever. Im not giving uo on them. I might jot know how to help them. It may even be that kind if choice they are going to have to make in their own fir themselves. Exactly like I chose too. The addition and the chemicals werent my friends not the humans controlled by them. If anything them seeing me still present in their lives getting healthy and being happy and not giving up will help them. Help them by showing them “ that jackass is doing it” no actually I DID IT. Yeah i have triggers. Of course i still think about using it even sounds absolutely amazing sometimes but i was never that person that was the drugs. It was the alcohol. It was my demons running rampant and i was fully consumed. Abusing every relationship i had way more than any chemicals i was using and who was right there hurting with me? My people. none of the normies in my life (love you) were there. They wanted nothing to do with me. I blame myself though. Who was there to narcan me 4 times and continue to shake and slap me for 45 mins while i had no pulse? Yep my not friends. Those people, the ones hurting right there with me brought me back 4 times. They dont ask for sh-t but i owe it to them to be present and not walk away. Why? Because im not suddenly better then them because i made a choice to get clean. How is that better. You cant be better than someone. Did you live 100% the way they did? Be better than your self. Be there for everyone. Dont just put on a fake face and pretend. “Oh its so hard” no its not. shut up. If it was that hard you wouldn’t have an hour sober and you know it. You are strong. Give yourself some credit and guess what youll get… credibility. Credibility in yourself. Congratulations now its time to continue showing up for you. Not a judge, not job, a kid, a lover or bill himself. Its a nice thought but thats not going to work very long and you know it. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Why do you want to be sober? Do it. Do it for you and just stop f—-ing around. Your not weak. Thats a cop out. You are strong. Look at the things you’ve survived while using, imagine what you can do sober. Be the real you. Go on go get you some.