In the past I have never really stayed committed to anything. I'd only do something for a little while, something that was good for me anyway, and then give up. Make up some kind of excuse or just stop altogether. Today I had a good day. I might go back to the craziness tomorrow. Idk I really scared myself I'm afraid I'm just going to go back and do what I have always done. It's just such the easy way but then bad things always happen. I can't tell myself this enough and I'm so afraid something awful will happen. Part of this is my mental health talking I can see it once I've written it. I'm just afraid one day I won't be able to deal with one bad day and then what do I do. I even started driving while buzzed. I haven't done that in a long time. Never ever was caught but next time there might not be a never. I was saved these last few times but I was getting too comfortable and I know I won't stay lucky forever. I certainly don't want to hurt anyone but I also don't want to lose what I worked so hard for. I'm losing my mind for real 
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Get into a recovery program for support in these times of worry. Do your best to stay in the day and not project. You can do this. Surrounding yourself with others in recovery is the only way. Can’t do this alone. As they say, easy does it. One day is all you need to worry about.
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I may as well have never joined. I did it but I'm not changing 