Indifference toward Life

Recovery
#1

Somedays I struggle with euphoric recall and severe cravings that usually follow intense depression and loneliness. I have never considered myself suicidal. I’ve seen my Dad in a psych ward after a failed attempt with rope burn and bruising on his neck and face. I was 17 and I remember the feelings I had and I know I couldn’t ever put my family through that.

However, I’ve been experiencing an indifference toward both life and death. Sometimes I don’t look when I cross the street.

I guess what I’m saying is that life is really difficult right now and i sometimes feel like if I were to get hit by a bus, it wouldn’t necessarily be the worst thing that could happen. Sorry for being so dark, that’s where I’m at today.

#2

Hey Jon! I do get that euphoric recall, and then some depression and loneliness, but it doesn’t sound like I get it as intense as you do. One thing I’ve done from day 1 is to get help. I don’t stay clean and sober on my own. I started going to meetings, doing therapy, listening to podcasts, etc right away. I was miserable at the end of my active addiction, and I knew I needed more than to just quit. I needed those addictions to desk and function with everyday life. Without them I’d never survive. So I went to get help, and 20 plus months later I’m still getting help. While I still have moments of overwhelming anxiety, the intensity of the feelings have definitely subsided over time. Are you involved in any recovery program? If not, I highly suggest you do asap. If you are already involved, just keep coming back and do the work. It has been the solution for me and countless others. I believe it will work for you too