Right when you think you have broken the loop and feeling better, you think you can use without consequences. It’s a loosing game!! No matter what you try to do differently you will NOT succeed. I was stuck in this loop of getting sober and then after 90 days thinking it’s okay to use again. Go back and start smoking weed because “I only smoke weed” and then making toxic friends and that persons drug of choice is Coke or Molly or Xans or even Blues. They tell me they aren’t dying it’s okay to try it or they’ll show me how to use it safely 
. Next thing you know i’m sniffing 
and can’t stop. UNTILL I get sober again for about 90 days and then start smoking weed again and again making a friend and doing stupid hard drugs with them. Im so afraid to make a friend. My brain is telling me that’s the issue. Obviously don’t smoke weed.. but also don’t make friends because you always make friends with the wrong people and end up back in active addiction. I know this isn’t reasonable but I have never been sober this long. This time does feel different… my urges to use have decreased, I take the right medication, and I fill my time with positive activities. I know I need to be strict about who I’m friends with but I have never been friends with someone sober. I have my Loosid friends but that’s not the same as in person. I got to AA meetings but I feel so awkward I leave immediately after meetings. I look around and people even share that they have made all these friends at AA.
Any advice ??? Thoughts ???
Have you been stuck in that loop and felt like you are going insane?
I feel for you. I got sober at 24, and wrote of all of my old friends. It was very lonely. I can only suggest the following based on my own experiences; it’s very important to find sober friends and build a solid sober support group. Preferably start with some ladies. Not sure how you feel about AA/NA, but that’s probably your best opportunity to do so depending on your geographical location. I didn’t do that myself, and I suffered a very lonely (disconnected) life for 30 years, even though I was married and had kids. This time it’s different. Sure it’s easier this time because I’m the old middle aged white man this time around…I fit right in. I’ve got true friends now. I’m having fun for the first time in years. You gotta go make an effort and find your peeps. I know it’s not easy, but I promise it’ll be worth it
Thank you sm for sharing !!! your words mean a lot i definitely got something from your post (◍•ᴗ•◍)
✧*。
(I def gotta but up more women’s meetings cos the meetings i go to it’s basically all men lol)