Introversion + recovery?

Recovery
#1

I’ve seen/read/been told countless times that alcohol is a disease that loves isolation. That “the opposite of addiction is connection”. That you need to be plugged into a community.

I’ve only been sober for 4 months but I need to make sure I STAY sober for the next ~115 years… I’m just struggling with the forced connection bit. Sometimes it feels like long-term sobriety is only for people who like being around others and relationship-building.

Anyone have tips for someone who deeply enjoys being alone 90% of time?

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#3

This is a really good question. Yup introvert here. I HATE small talk, but don’t have a problem at all with a conversation of greater substance. Are you the same? I tend to gravitate towards those type of people at meetings (the kind of folks that seem to get right to the point). I also socialize with people during activities. If the intent of the activity is purely socialization, I will avoid it like the plague. lol IDK😄

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#4

Well mam, you doing a great job by being here. I’m kind of the same way. I’m a computer techy who has been with this net since it began in the 80’s and have no problem keeping busy on it. Not doing social media. But doing things off the wall and grid. Understand about not constantly being “social”. Yet, I do appreciate sober gathers now and then. And keeping a regular sober routine. Anything that is sobriety oriented is fine. Doesn’t necessarily have to be constantly surrounded with people. Hobbies, shows, work, etc. You definitely on a great path. Keep rockin.:metal::call_me_hand:t3:

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#5

Hi Megan, I too am an isolator. Always have been. A few good friends is all I need. This is not my first rodeo by far and too many people in an organized setting will and have sent me back to the bottle. I do things I like by myself. Reading, cooking, exercising, news junkie and have found online works for me much better than in person. I do have a very small network of friends from meetings who keep me accountable. I am very much like you, and so far it is working for me. The whole world went remote on the job. Few thought this would ever work. And guess what, it is working beautifully! AA, NA, CA, etc will follow. It will take time as in person meetings have worked so well for years. Hard to teach an old dog new tricks. My two cents for what it is worth. Do as what is best for you. Just stay connected and be accountable! You got this! Stay well my friend!

#6

SAME!!! So glad to hear I’m not the only one struggling with this ‘connection is a must’ thing. I believe it works for many people because feeling connected gives them a serotonin high. So it makes them feel good. And while I like to hang out with a few select people occasionally, I much prefer solitude. One of the greatest gifts of staying sober for me is that I’m finally getting less concerned about what other folks think. I’m a very happy sober right now, without meetings and new connections. That said, I also know I need to practice my social skills more some day, but all in good time :blush:

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#7

I like the 115 years! I’d say don’t force the connections. Use them when you need them and know they are here for you. My kids and their schedules eat up a lot of my time but I know if and when I need meeting are always available. Thank god for zoom lol.

#8

Kate, I recently did an interview with a friend who’s writing a book about loneliness. Her and I chatted about this very topic. I believe there is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. For me I do enjoy some me time, being alone. I don’t like feeling lonely but with the 12 steps and my awesome support group I have tools to combat this feeling and it quickly goes away.
I’m not afraid of being alone. I hike, bike, go out to dinner, grocery shop and a few other things alone. I’m completely content with this.
When I’m starting to feel lonely I reach out to my support group. I make phone calls to others in recovery or I send them text messages. Either way staying connected to others that I share a common bond with is important to my sobriety. Going to meetings a few days a week is good for connection. Making friends is definitely a good way to combat loneliness. Isolation isn’t fun after awhile. We humans do need interaction with others.
I believe the key is balance between being alone with one’s self, and getting out to help others in the program. Making a connection with someone in the program isn’t about us it’s about them. We are to be of service to our fellows.
Plus it’s a we program. We all help each other. I hope this helps and that you are able to make some deep connection with people in your area that are in sobriety. Life is short make friends.

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#9

There was a chapter in Unexpected Joy of Being Sober that said introverts were more likely to cope with the stress of interaction by drinking. And I believe it. For me interacting with people “like me” is infinitely more tolerable than when normies tell me to cheer up or just have 1. Also, learning what’s mine to control and what’s not mine has helped me not give a f about a lot of things that used to really drive me nuts.

I feel safer with other people in recovery. Even if I disagree or find them abrasive, the common bond that unites us all helps me to not need to throw up so many walls.

Whatever works for you Kate. There’s more than just 1 way to achieve sobriety

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#10

I absolutely love what everybody's been commenting. It's also very comforting to know that there are so many people in our Realm. We are all in this alone and we are all in this together we feel much of the same feelings and have many of the same fears. Ultimately we are each other's cheerleading section. Whether you're alone or another company.

#11

I would recommend working the S.M.A.R.T (self management and recovery training) program! It’s the cognitive approach to the recovery process, and you don’t have to have a sponsor. It is nice to work with a group of people and I have others to still bounce ideas off of, but not needed. I’ve worked the steps in several different programs, and also that I can be of maximum service to others, but the most beneficial out of all of my recovery has come through my own personal journey through therapy.

And also recommend buying Brenè Brown’s books and associated work book. I’ve attended each of her workshops, and now facilitate her work, and by far has been the most impactful work with substantial growth for myself.

Hope this helps, and anyone on here can always message me if you’d like to learn more

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#12

I relate to this conundrum SO MUCH. As an introvert and isolator, what I find most helpful is that I’m not only not ashamed of it (as I once was), but that I’m proud of these traits. I never hesitate to say that I very much love my own company. In my family of five I don’t always get enough of the highly desirable alone time. I treasure it when I have it. Although I can’t relate to those who have the need for socialization, I feel for them and know these last couple of years were rough. (But I was living my best life!) I think there are many of us out here. Platforms like Loosid can really help check all the boxes as far as making connections minus the aspects of socializing that aren’t appealing to everyone.