Is going on social media triggering for anyone else?

Recovery
#1

Every time I look on Facebook or instagram I see photos of people I grew up with who are getting married, having kids and buying homes etcetera... meanwhile here I am about to turn 30 with absolutely nothing to show for it.
I can't find a job ANYWHERE (I'm assuming it's because I'm a felon) I don't have a car, and I don't have any friends to talk to.

I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else.
I'm trying hard to undo the 10+ years of damage I did to my life while I was on heroin, but it's not working...

I've been sober almost 2 years and I just can't seem to break out of this

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#2

Hey Zoe, congratulations on almost two years! That is awesome!

Three things that I hope you find as helpful:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else
  2. Really stop comparing yourself to anyone else
  3. Never compare yourself to anyone else

:slightly_smiling_face:

You are unique to you. Your journey is your journey, not anyone else's. Others journeys are not your journey. Comparing, looking at what others seem to have, what they are doing only leads to taking focus off what you are doing. Its how YOU are living that is important. I say this because I had done the same thing, and always felt so far behind in life from where I thought I should be. Who cares!!? Once I stopped thinking of others lives and really started working on my own, things came into my life, and keep on coming! I am the only person whose life I should be looking at. And if I do chose to compare, I only compare my life today to how I was living 10 years ago, 1 years ago, 1 month ago, etc... In my last 2.5 years of my sober journey, I have lived more life, been a part of more true life moments that have meaning, then the previous 10 years of my drinking combined! My life may not have been "standard or typical" up until now, but now I am actually living it, have more blessings than I can count when I actually realized what blessings were, and am truly grateful! Live you, and no one else, one day at a time

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#3

Jason's response is excellent. I'm 35, and I see all of my "friends" doing the same stuff you mentioned. Here is my advice. We already know we need to change our people, places, and things. Social media / content, in general, is one of those "things."

For me, I had to really limit my time on social media, as well as be creative in using it as a tool to help in my recovery. My Facebook feed, for example, is now mainly family and super close friends, recovery stuff, spiritual stuff, random people's pets, and golf. Basically anything that can shift my perception from positive and hopeful to negative had to go away. I've muted friends, unfollowed a lot of s***, and turned off all notifications.

Consequently, I check it less often, have more time to focus on important stuff, and am comparing myself to others a lot less.

Whatever you do just keep going. I don't have the wife, the kids, the great job, or the white picket fence either. I do know, however, if I stop moving forward and go back to living the miserable life I was living, I'll never have a chance at any of those things either, because I will probably die.

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#4

Thank you for taking the time to write all of that, wow!

You are right... the version of me from just a couple years ago would be like "wait what? we actually got sober?!" lol. That's the only person I should be comparing myself to... There's definitely a lot to be thankful for that I am taking for granted right now
Thank you Jason :slightly_smiling_face:

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#5

You are so right. I rarely ever go on social media because it makes me feel so anxious that I get a knot in my stomach the entire day! Idk why it's so triggering I guess I'm just kind of ashamed of where I'm at in life. Thank you for responding. Good luck on your sober journey friend, I know we will both make it :+1:

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#6

You are doing awesome! :slightly_smiling_face:

#7

Stay off social media for a while. I was off for 5yrs. I’m back on now, but at a much limited capacity. Take a break, you’ll be happy that you did!

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#8

I’m in the exact same position. Ten years on heroin and nothing to show - all my old friends now have careers, houses, families - it’s crazy

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#9

I had to accept that I’m 40, have roommates, two kids from different dads, and am completely behind my peers. I have to remind myself that I’ve overcome a lot and while I’m proudly not traditional, I am one heck of an awesome chick.

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#10

I have the same feelings. I keep the apps deleted on my phone that I have to go through the web browser to check the accounts.

I think even people who never struggled with addiction feel the same way sometimes. Social media is designed for that feeling.

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#11

That thing that Jason wrote.

#13

I quit social media years ago because all it is is snapshots of people's highlights of their lives. I ended up comparing myself to false standards and didn't realize everyone else's lives were just as f'ed up as mine but didn't show it all. Social media, in my opinion, is the worst thing to happen to society. So much mental illness bred from its start.

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#14

Try not to get hung up on the façade that people project on social media. Remember, most of the time we are only seeing what a person wants to show us, everyone’s path is different and we all have struggles and trials regardless of the size of our house or the price tag of our things.

#15

That was perfectly said.

#16

Two years is a long time! I only have 4 months behind my back I can’t wait to get to 2 years! That’s my goal, my boyfriend has 2 years behind his back and I look at him like he’s a god! You should really give your self more credit for that alone because that is not an easy task at all. I am 33 and I have those same feelings going on social media which is why I deleted my Facebook this year. I am tired of seeing everyone married with kids while I don’t even have a car. However, being clean the last 4 months got me my own studio apartment and a job +3 waiting to hear back from. So there is a bright side to getting clean although I want it all to happen right away I know it’s not going to. Patience is a virtue dear your time will come where everything you worked hard for will fall into place just have patience! If you ever need anything I am here for you! I understand this post way too much :heart:

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#17

I’m going through the same thing except a little different. I had a family and was married for 16 years and alcohol was a contributing factor to the end of my marriage. Now my friends I had when I was married are still married and still have their families. I feel so lost, the life I knew is gone. So I started self medicating with alcohol and Xanax so I didn’t feel and could black out and not remember. Im new to sobriety and im still struggling with my emotions. So I completely understand, now I need to take the proper steps to heal. Keep going, you’re doing so good and try to focus on the good in your life now. I have a lot of blessings in my life that I also need to focus on.

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#18

Constantly comparing myself to others, feeling like I'd wasted time and that I had to catch up definitely kept me drinking for a lot longer than I wish I had. I drank because I couldn't get over the fact that I wasted so much time drinking. Essentially, I drank because I drank. It was a horrible place to be and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Easier said than done, but the only thing to do to move forward was to accept my circumstances, what I had done, put it out of my mind as best as possible and move forward.

Obviously, these feelings come back, all the time. The best way to combat them is going to a meeting and hearing another alcoholic's experience, strength and hope. I truly feel like I'm not "behind" and can be comfortable where I am, for at least a little while.

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