Don’t know what to do. We are trying to workout issues in our marriage. I get home today from the gym and my wife is drunk. We had plans for dinner and I was hoping to have a good evening together. Work in our issues in the marriage. She got upset cause I commented on why she was drinking. It was 6 pm. I left cause I didn’t want to argue and came to my brother’s. It just sucks. I am doing so well in my sobriety. Is like I am being put in this position of having to choose between working in my marriage and my sobriety. I know that if I start drinking my marriage won’t work. And I am trying to show her that I am working on myself so I can bring the best version of myself in our marriage. I don’t know what to do. And she is upset cause I commented on her state of mind. But if I would have stay we would have had an argument and the situation would have escalated. Don’t know how to handle this. I just know that I won’t drink but I am hurting inside.
Just sending hugs your way! I know that was difficult and great job prioritizing yourself and the marriage. That is an impossible situation so leaving was smart. Hopefully that conversation will come on a different day and under different circumstances. I also have a partner who still drinks and it is so difficult. Some days are better than others but at least once a month it can be a major strain on our relationship.
Thanks for sharing. Means a lot. Is so hard cause I don’t know what to do
You did the right thing. You KNOW you can't reason with someone who's drunk. It's pointless and will only cause pain because of the resistance.
Make sure your mask is on before trying to help someone else put theirs on..
Sometimes you gotta put your sobriety first
Thanks for the kind words
Is hard. Cause I know I wasn’t going to drink I just didn’t want it to turn out in to an argument. Thanks
Luis, you did the right thing by leaving. In the end your sobriety needs to come first so that means tough decisions ahead.
Congratulations on doing the next right thing for both of you. Getting in an argument can only be detrimental, especially if one person is drunk. Under those circumstances, there is nothing profitable for you, your wife, or your marriage that can be accomplished but there is a lot of destruction that can be piled on an already unhealthy situation. It is normal behavior for humans to want to be accepted, to be included, to be loved. However, if we are not feeling much love for ourselves & not proud of jour behavior, there is a tendency for us to want to pull our significant others into the mire with us so we can feel better. This is another form of ‘stinkin thinkin’ without really thinking. It is an old pattern of insane behavior & belief that I’m ok if you are mucking around in the mire with me. Allow her to be sick, be kind, be consistent, keep sobriety your priority. Without sobriety, you have nothing to offer your wife or your marriage. I applaud you for making the best choice in a very difficult situation. The journey is rarely easy but always worth it. Keep a strong support system & use them - we all need affirmation on this walk.
Hi Luis!
From my experience fellowships like Al-Anon have helped. It helps me remember that I am a sick person and so is the other individual who is drinking.
We have things to work on and to work through.
You’re being very strong for her but don’t forget to be strong for yourself. I’m happy to hear you’re doing well in your sobriety!! Keep on keeping on friend. 
Give it to your higher power. Everyone’s walk is different. Your focus should remain priority. Maybe when she sobers up the next morning bring it up. All in love, not throwing things in her face. But starting with, I feel like…. And than explain what her drinking makes you feel. Create healthy boundaries
That emotional pain is some of the worst pain I have experienced in sobriety. It was on my mind 24/7 and me trying to control the outcome and wish for it to turn out the way I saw it, caused me so much hurt mentally, emotionally. Love is something that needs to be shared, and sometimes it’s equivocal and for us often we have to give more love that we are going to get in return, most of us don’t like that fact. Your expectations were not fulfilled and I’ve been there, it is disappointing but chalk it up to one incident. Nobody likes the fact that we have to work on ourselves before we are any good to anyone else. I didn’t listen to that advice and thought just because I got sober, that would fix everything. It didn’t, I changed, the relationship didn’t. I am now divorced, it still hurts, it didn’t kill me though and my ex-wife and I have better conversations now that there is no pressure. I’m also (at 5 years) sober learning to live for myself, and that change took time, yes some hurt-mostly that I caused for myself by setting unrealistic expectations and demands on my partner. I couldn’t change her, I can change myself. Bottom line, stay sober, open your mind to possibilities and pray to whatever you believe in for guidance and support. I know working the steps in AA is not for everyone, but they help you repair your relationships with yourself, God (or whatever you believe in), and lastly others-in that order. Good luck, don’t listen to the bs your mind tells you. There are lots of men who feel what you are feeling in recovery, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Great advice. Thanks