Is NA truly the only way out? I always felt I didn’t need it because I don’t use daily but the past 4 years I can’t seem to stay away from using and only been clean for two months at most. I use once or twice a month but have a binge problem. I have been waiting for the day until I can at least have a consistent 90 days clean because they say that’s how long to break a habit but it’s not happening. Tired of being up and happy thinking I have a hold of myself and then using again and back into a dark place. It just feels like a tug of war tease. Like being a prisoner or in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Tired of crying alone again and again wondering what the he*l is wrong with me and why I keep doing this knowing where it’s going to lead me back to again. Missing the old happy and athletic me who cared about my appearance. Who was raised with values, church, who has a big heart and wouldn’t do to another person what I wouldn’t want done to myself. I am just a good person who made a bad decision one day not knowing that it would lead me into this horrible lifestyle. I truly wouldn’t wish addiction on even my worst enemy. Just need some motivational words and wanted to express what I have been holding inside for so long. Patiently waiting for the day when these chains are finally broken.
NA/AA is a place where you can hang out and network with people trying to get/stay clean/sober. Plain and simple. It's much much different than people who just aren't addicts. They know what you're going through.
There are many ways to go. I chose NA. Recovery is endless and right now, I know that’s not as inspiring as it is for me today. There are all walks of life, people with more or less time than you, to show you the way up, and show you that there’s nothing better waiting for you back in active addiction. Between today and day 1, there is amazing and miraculous progress. You’ve done it. You are doing it. Use the support to get one more day. And tomorrow, do it again. It gets better. Someone there needs to know you and your story.
Thank you
Man, that cycle, I hated it. I would get up for a little while and then it would come crashing down because I picked up again. You start to lose who you are, I lost hope and in the end I was like if this is what life is going to be like and the best it gets, I don’t want to live anymore and I was suicidal. Thankfully a good friend took me to a meeting, I called her instead of going to find a burner and putting it in o my head (there was no doubt in my mind I was going to do it, scares me to think about almost 6 years later). What I found in the rooms of NA/AA was a solution. I found people that knew exactly what I was going through. I found hope and a purpose that had been missing from my life for pretty much my whole 40 year existence. I don’t sell AA/NA because I don’t have a choice. If you looking to end that cycle, I would give it a shot. It’s not perfect, life is still hard sometimes but it provides support and lesson/tools that help live life. That’s just my take, I know what you are going through. I don’t live like that anymore, it took some time and I had to look within and trust other men and women, but the peace came. If I can do it, you can, give it a shot, it was better than continuing that cycle. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Thank you for the encouragement