Is shame keeping anyone sober at the moment?. I truly truly believe I am done drinking. But am I guided from the shame of my recent dui? Totalling my car? Scaring my family and frankly myself? Right now I'm in the punishment faze (quite literally financially & mentally) Its been 4 months since my dui and last drink.
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Nope. About 15 months back, got in a wreck, smashed into someone else’s car totaling my own. My watch actually notified my family and called 911. I think at the time, where some may have felt incredible shame, I just felt grateful to be alive and grateful that no one was hurt.
Bout 2 months later, my best friend in the Army had a phone conversation with me about how I was a better man when I didn’t drink. Sadly, 4 days later he lost his life on Christmas Eve of 2021 in a tragic accident. Again, I felt gratitude instead of shame for having had the chance to have a heartfelt conversation with him that single handedly powers the reason that I will never drink again.
I think it depends on each person, but ultimately, I don’t punish myself at all; everything that happened needed to happen in the exact way it happened for me to elicit a change in my life for the better. It’s the first time going thru problems like a DUI and everything associated, so I give myself that room for error to know that it’s okay to make mistakes so long as I learn from them. We can be our own worst critics, but we can also be our own best heroes.
Be easy on yourself when in your own thoughts; if you have an addiction, it’s a disease, and it’s something you have to learn to live with. Be hard on yourself when it comes to establishing helpful boundaries and living proactive vs. reactive. I have hope that this helps you and directs your steps on your journey.
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You made me tear up. Thank you for your response. I definitely been beating myself up. I really do feel what I went thru was a life lesson. And I think about how I dodged a bullet and no one died. And what life would look like then. The what ifs are sobering. I'm at the beginning of my new normal and really try to feel grateful over all. I have alot to be thankful for🤍 I really have felt almost every emotion during this process.
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Working the steps and being involved with a group helped me get over the grief, and shame. The first six months I felt so defeated and embarrassed. The shame was almost unbearable. But with the help of my sponsor and true supportive friends I came out the other side renewed. You will get there. Patients and believe in yourself.
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I've had 7 of em still have a license some how. What's done is done. I've lost everything so many times it doesn't even hurt anymore it's more of a god I'm such a pain in my own a$$. It gets better. Life still happens but it's not nearly as bad as what I do to myself
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What ever gets you sober work with it. But you will have to let go of the shame, I have shame, regret, and resentment that got me to this point but slowly they are all fading away. Just do the work. It works if you work it.
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I was trapped in a vicious cycle with shame. I drank because I was ashamed and then did more things to be ashamed by.
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