This is something I wrote about a week after Matthew Perry’s death when I was 105 days sober)
Can you have loneliness in sobriety? The answer is Yes! This is probably one of the main reasons why people do not choose a sober life over addiction. It was for me at least for a long time.
It’s so crazy that when I post on Social Media about my recovery or days sober I receive multiple likes and comments like “Congratulations” or “You Go Girl” or something to that affect. Rarely, does someone truly reach out with a phone call or DM or even maybe meet to talk to see how I’m doing (now before you think I’m just wallowing in self pity continue reading).
I thought about this a lot this week as one of the most beloved characters from one of the most popular TV shows in the US and Worldwide was buried. His struggles are very well known and he even talked about it extensively in books and interviews so it is well documented. Ironically, for someone who starred on “Friends,” he died alone with no one there while he took his final breath.
Although the cause of death has yet to be determined at the time I write this, I pray he went peacefully and feel it may have been something as a result of years of destruction of the body through alcohol and drugs. If you are familiar with the physical affects going “cold turkey” has on alcoholics, then you know it’s the deadliest form of detox, especially without a doctors care.
Many times, people think once someone says they are sober then they are good and we can just step back and let them live their life. This is the farthest from the truth. This is actually when they need friends and family the most. Most Addicts have spent years in isolation and separated from the ones they need the most, by self choice.
For me, because of my addiction, I burned so many bridges because of my actions while under the affects of drugs and alcohol. That’s what I’ve been focused on lately, repairing those bridges with loved ones that I hurt along the way. I am already seeing progress with that in just a short amount of time, having to gain their trust and respect again. (It’s a whole lot of sincere “I’m Sorries”)
All my “friends”, who were really just “drinking buddies” are long gone. I spend the majority of my time alone. I’ve realized that it’s ok for me to do things solo. I’m not afraid to attend an event without a partner. I’ll hop the bus and head to the art museum where I can take my time to enjoy. But not everyone has the strength to do that and honestly these are the times when it would be nice to share those times with others.
We (addicts) have spent so much of our lives in loneliness and isolation and for some this “loneliness in sobriety” can send them spiraling right back to the one thing that gave them comfort and escape. This is not the time to abandon them.
For me, I have found another way to manage: Faith in Christ Jesus. He is my Rock, my Savior, my Comforter, my Friend and I can always count on Him to lift me up when depression, loneliness and anxiety try to rear they vicious and ugly heads.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
My trust is in Him alone. My outlook has changed on life and I have so much to live for. There is so much I want to do and accomplish before I leave this cruel, unforgiving world to an eternity of Glory and Eternal Life.
God has an amazing plan for life and if He wants me to do it alone then I have peace that He is beside me the whole time to guide and direct my path, comfort me and protect me from my enemies and harm. With God you are never alone in recovery.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If you are struggling with any addiction or just need to talk, I’m here. We need to support one another in these days of uncertainty and unrest. Satan wants us to be separated from love and affection toward one another. My prayer is that God’s Joy and Comfort will come and blanket us all in His Love, Mercy and Grace.
#recovery #sobriety #Godgrace #comfort #ChristJesus #protection #guidance #addiction #eternallife #trust #loneliness #depression #anxiety #alcoholism #friends #family #mercy #grace
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Great read Sarah, and yes loneliness is common in sobriety and part of that is self isolation. What we have ain’t easy for sure 
Sarah, this is a very thorough, thoughtful, well said message to all of us who are listening. It takes courage to express and share the emotions and the process you have undertaken. I too ask or think of the same themes and actions you mentioned. I appreciate you sharing, value the progress you and made and hope for the continued sobriety!!
Wow! Very well written.
Thank you for sharing.
I found that the loneliness in sobriety was very short lived.
I became very active in my local A.A. group and developed many lasting friendships. I know this is posted about a lot. But the camaraderie we seek is right there. It was actually considered and written in to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous because the founders recognized the need we have for this camaraderie.