There is a version of me
that still aches.
Not loudly.
Not in ways the world can always see.
But quietly..
in the spaces between moments,
in the memories that still linger a little longer than I’d like.
The pain didn’t disappear
when I chose healing.
It didn’t pack its bags and leave
the moment I decided to do better.
It stayed.
But something changed.
I stopped letting it drive.
I stopped letting it make my decisions,
choose my patterns,
convince me that chaos was where I belonged.
For a long time,
I thought the only way to escape the pain
was to numb it.
Drown it.
Silence it.
Pretend it didn’t exist.
But all that ever did
was give it more control.
Now, I sit with it.
I acknowledge it.
I understand where it came from.
But I no longer hand it the wheel.
The pain may always be a part of me..
but it is not who I am.
It does not define the life I build,
the love I choose,
or the peace I protect.
I can feel it…
and still move forward.
I can carry it…
and still rise.
Because this time..
I am in control.
And I will never let it run my life again.
— Ivy Rowan 