It’s been 29 days since messed with that ish n about a week almost off methadone, mentally I’m loosing it though it’s like I can’t even be proud of myself with everything else going on in my life right now and I always make the mistake of letting my ex of 6+ yrs back in my life cause he misses and wants to make it work then it just turns to a fight and the things he says it just takes me steps back n makes me feel so low and on top of everything I’m going thru most likely facing jail time and honestly as messed up as it is part of me is kind of welcoming it, it’s just been so hard and I don’t know if I even wanna be here anymore
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Honestly, I’ve been that ex in a woman’s life and he’s most likely pushing his own self-seeking agenda by tell you what you want to hear in order to get what he wants. Maybe he wants your flesh. Maybe he just wants a distraction from something/someone else. When he gets what he wants, he engages his exit strategy and picks a fight at the right time for clean getaway. I’ve been this guy before. Maybe he really loves you and cares about you, but he’s obviously putting his needs before your sobriety 
. I’m sure this is a reoccurring thing. It’s gonna be up to YOU to set some healthy boundaries and gain a great sense of self-worth in order to prevent this from happening again. Once you realize that you deserve better, then I have faith in you that you’ll make the necessary adjustments. I hope I didn’t offend you with anything I said. I comes from a place of love 
Take Care.
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I had to find new friends in the program. Much healthier today.
Thank you for that really, I wish I came back on here and read this sooner it’s crazy cause that’s exactly what it was n part of me knew awhile ago I mean when I actually say out loud or to someone everything he’s done to me n can’t even count how many girls n I just feel sick I let myself be treated like this for so long, I even moved out n got my own place for a year n I had him blocked and was really trying n he says the worst things u could imagine and with what I’m going through the things he would say countless times calling me a jie n so much more but he didn’t stop calling for the whole year he’d 67 no caller I’d me n how hard that was to not pick up those calls at 2:00 in the morning or literally all day n (he worked nights) he would leave me voicemails that just killed me n him literally crying on the phone so when my lease was up we had already been trying again n he wanted me to move back in so bad but I was like no I’m going to my parents until I can see we can do this and like 2-3 months went by n I move back and literally within the next month it was the same sh n found out he was on tinder n get messages from girls like so much n I’ve been moved out for like 7 months now n just completely cut ties and deleted my voicemail so he can’t leave any about 2 wks ago n it’s like he blames my issues with this sh for us not working out and it’s like I don’t blame him I made my choices but he’s put me through fing hl back n just things he’d say basically telling me to go call my person like such horrible things n I hate saying it or labeling anyone but he is a narcissist n I’ve read it literally gives u brain damage going through s*t with them but idk I’m trying so hard now to just stop it’s been so hard I’m sorry that was so long lol if u even read it
This positive message  has really helped me:
“ I shall no longer allow negative thoughts  or feelings to drain me of my energy. Instead, I shall focus on all the good that is in my life. I will think it, feel it, and speak it. By doing so I will send out vibes of positive energy into the world, and I should be grateful for all the wonderful things it will attract in my life”