It’s been a struggle. My boyfriend put me in the hospital then killed himself. I then lost my job and car..all since Halloween. It’s been so hard staying clean, but I’m doing it! It was a drug fueled relationship I think, and I’m glad it’s over..but I still miss him. Is that wrong?
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You are in my prayers. It helps me to take things one day at a time and go to plenty of meetings. I'm proud of you. 
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Hi Laura, sounds like it has been a really rough month, but you are doing it sober and that is wonderful. Keep staying focused on yourself and your needs. And no, I don’t think it’s wrong to miss someone who is toxic, in fact I think it is very human to do that. As you work through everything your mind may shift, just accept it as it is right now. Sending you a hug!
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Thank you..I just was so reliant on him, every day, everything, and now it’s just me. Gonna take some adjusting, but time heals right…
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Thank you Kim..
That’s a HUGE adjustment. But if you focus on just completing the next step indicated I know you can do this, and get to a point where you are confident on your own.
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I’m actually working on writing a book about my life and now I know the ending, it’s the beginning that I’m having a hard time with. I think I block out a lot of my childhood, but really don’t know why..
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That’s so cool! A lot of my childhood is blocked from my memory, in part because the alcohol deteriorated it and in part because there are things I don’t want to revisit. Have you ever thought of working with a therapist?
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Yes. I have in the past as well. I just don’t have transportation right now, and my insurance only covers emergency rides. I actually just got a bill from the hospital for $1800. I’m at a loss.. I was an alcoholic for 10 years. Do you think that’s why I can’t remember?
All things will come if we keep our sobriety our priority. Ugh, the hospitals are terrible. I mean, I’m not a professional, but I do know that excessive alcohol use degraded the memory, so I can imagine that the same would be for you.
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I never even thought that was a possibility. Hmmm… I remember bits and pieces but it seems like I only remember the bad moments. My sobriety is very important to me and I’ve had cravings like crazy. Luckily I have a 19 year old daughter that puts me in check when I need her to. I’ve been tempted to go to a treatment facility but I’m not actively drinking/using narcotics. Do you think it would be a good idea?
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I am not a professional, and treatment has not been part of my recovery, but I know a lot of people benefit from the structure and guidance. If it’s possibly for you then why not do it?
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Oh my goodness. That is a lot to deal with. Huge props on maintaining sobriety. I hope you can get involved with a program that will help you not only stay sober, but also work through trauma.
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Welcome Laura! Great job staying strong! It’s so difficult especially with great heartache like you have experienced!! I’m here for you friend!
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That is a lot to handle all at once. My marriage was similar. I left with our 3-1/2 year old daughter before it became more physically abusive. It wasn't easy but necessary for her safety too.
Being a single parent was hard. We came close to living out of my car a few times, but I never stopping fighting to give her a better life than what may have been far worse.
Stay connected with sober folks! The "snowball" of bad incidences that started before until now will eventually show to a stop and life will become easier. One. Day. At. A. Time. Sounds cliché I know, but it is true.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I worried that my husband would harm/kill himself. He is alive, though years of drug and alcohol abuse have left him mentally & physically disabled. It's so sad, as he once was such an attractive man. It's sadder still that he chose drugs and alcohol over his wife and daughter.
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Prayers sent for strength and healing
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I don't remember much of my childhood either. I think my memory would probably be better if it weren't for the alcohol, but who's to say? I can't say for sure. I dated someone once who told me he didn't remember much of his childhood and he wasn't alcoholic or had a bad childhood, it probably depends on the person and other factors.
I'm proud of you for staying sober!! You're going to feel different things and that's fine. Give yourself some love and grace. 
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No, its not wrong. Every relationship brings something to you. It makes you change for the better, or wallow where you don't belong. But, you know what, they all teach you something. I think its better to release someone with love, than harbor hateful thoughts. That def works against your program, you staying sober. You have had a shitty past few months, no doubt. Stop and think for awhile, what lessons can I walk away with? What will I not repeat? Love yourself. I don't know if you believe in God, but this is when He carries you. Look up the Footprints poem. It has comforted me in many difficult situations. You are stronger than you think. Heal physically, be kind to yourself. There is a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior, without your permission." Wishing you the best Laura.
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