This sounds really familiar! I’m glad you still have someone there with you at least. I just got through detoxing for the first time last week and I believe I have lost my wife of 12 years. It would mean the world and the moon and the rest of the universe to me to find that I’m wrong about that.
I used to say things I didn’t mean a lot. The amount of regret I have has no end.
But I am letting that fuel me to be a better, and always sober, person.