It’s the loneliness that’s getting to me. I have never learned how to build meaningful relationships with other people. Now the only relationship I have is with alcohol. I opened up to my husband and asked for help this morning. It’s a start.
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Good deal. That’s progress
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I learned that if I wanted friends, I had to be a good friend first. I also learned to not expect anything in return. Then it was easy. I went to in person AA meetings and made sober friends. Then got even easier.
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Do you like hitting the gym? That's a great social component of my day.
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Great job being humble
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I have more friends in A.A. Than I could have imagined.
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That’s a great start! And making friends can be a struggle for some people. Loneliness used to be my whole life. Only thing I “trusted and loved” was alcohol. And becoming sober, I still struggle with making friends but it’s a heck of a lot easier than before. I’m actually going to a work buds bbq here soon, and before I wouldn’t even look at co-workers. I’d just imagine any form of alcohol in my hand counting down the seconds to make that possible. Keep at bein sober and the loneliness will slowly drift away and you’ll have more friends than you’d imagine!
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I learned that for everything I give up, I have to replace the time & effort I spent actively participating in unhealthy patterns with something new. I had to be willing to focus on & commit to expanding the new healthy elements I was adding to my life.
The first change I made was putting all of the dollars I had spent on my addiction into an untouchable but ever growing vacation account. In a few months, I had saved enough for my husband & I to take a week long cruise. I also added 12 step meetings (tried a few before I settled on the ones that were a fit for me). I joined a women’s small group, volunteered at a soup kitchen, taught independent living classes for teenagers in the foster care system, etc. I chose activities that most importantly I was willing to make a long term commitment - not for them - for myself (ie - more than a couple of months - to rid myself of back doors that make relapse easier); activities I could enjoy; activities that had me engaged with others; activities that held me accountable; activities that got me out of myself & serving others.
In the process of growing healthy, I made many new friends & acquaintances. By living authentically, open & honest, with new friends, I cultivated lasting, loving, intimate relationships.
We do not struggle alone. Everyone has struggled with unhealthy life patterns. By being authentic, offering intimacy (which is - Into Me See), I opened the door for new friends to trust, to be honest, and to grow deep lasting unconditional friendships.
My hope for you is that you too will step out of your ‘comfort zone’, be brave & courageous as you seek to find activities you can commit to; new relationships that you can effectively mentor & grow just by being open, loving unconditionally while allowing others to be sick (people in pain sometimes say/do hurtful things to others - they want someone to feel the pain they feel) and listening.
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You are not alone Alicia 🫶
Meetings helped me connect with people sharing the same things I was going through. They gave me hugs and said I was loved 
Today I still get bouts of loneliness but it has gotten better 
please keep sharing so we can support you through it 🫶
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Its sucks
Thank you so much for sharing. What is so beautiful as you just started your first step.
You are powerless over alcohol, and that your life is unmanageable.
Have you tried to go to an AA meeting?
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I am just starting; I have to put firm boundaries with most everyone I know. I am feeling refreshed at the new people I meet here and at meetings. These are true friends. They want me to be accountable. I trust them. So refreshing....
…these are really awesome, solid suggestions and relayments of options that may help.
( Appreciating how you phrased all of this, Jen ).
Also.
Sometimes, loneliness takes over when we have not made, become a friend…to our own self.
I’m trying to not roll my eyes at my own self-after typing that…while I mean it…about being a friend to one’s own self!
Please let us know how things go, are going-Alicia!
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Asking for support and help is amazing and hard for a lot of people.
One thing I've learned is it really helps to let them know what help and support looks like for you. Some people don't know what to do or say, so if you can articulate that to your family it will make it easier for them to give it.
That's a big step asking for help your owning up being a grown up to the fact you have a problem and accepting it. Cudos to you. The loneliness will overcome I'm almost two years clean and those people I thought were my friends I know were only out to hurt me not help me, find an activity a hobby even working helps I promise and surround yourself only with sober people loved ones who truly have your best interest in life
So this doesn't make it any easier in the moment however I've since learned that the time in isolation was actually very important for me at least, to rediscover who I am or better yet to discover who I am as a sober adult for the first time in my adult life.
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Good for you. I hid my drinking from my wife for about 4 years. If someone cares about you, then they want to help you.
Good afternoon Alicia how are you doing today?