Hey everyone. As you may know my husband is addicted to crack cocaine. I found out recently that he is deeper into it then i thought. The truth all came out Monday. I gave him a decision to think about. He owns his own construction company so I told him after he completes these last 2 jobs he needs to sign into a rehab or I'm leaving. I can't deal with the lies or the person he became anymore. He is not the person I fell in love with 6 years ago. I know you can force a person to go to rehab but he keeps telling me that he wants to get better and he doesn't want to be doing this it's just extremely hard to stop. Any advice on how I can be supportive on him going to rehab? Or how to cope with all these feelings I have? This is the hardest thing i ever had to go through
I’ll offer the best advice I can here, but I’ll preface this stating that my drug was alcohol so circumstances are a little different. Granted, alcohol is a lot easier to get access to pretty much anywhere you go.
Two lines typically have to be drawn - one by him and one by you. You’ve drawn your line, now it is time for him to draw his. Most of us addicts won’t quit until we are truly ready to quit for ourselves. We hit the proverbial wall and finally draw our line. But, sometimes those timelines don’t align. And sometimes addicts have to lose everything to finally admit it’s time to change and rebuild.
You should support him and encourage him to make this decision, but you also have to understand that HE has to draw his line - whether for himself and/or the relationship. Be supportive, but stick to your line. Encourage him to quit, but know that he is ultimately the only one in control of his addiction. Stay strong my friend.
Stick to it. Can’t be codependent and remain sober at the same time. You’re doing the right thing. Sobriety has always got to come first. Without it, nothing else will matter. Hope things work out.
Being the addict husband in the reverse of your situation, let me tell you. My wife drew a lot of lines and even though I thought I meant it when I said I'd get help, I wasn't ready until I was. By then it was too late. I hope your husband makes the choice for himself before it comes to that. But do what you have to for your well being first.
You can be supportive to a point. You need to look after your own sobriety first and foremost. Casey is right about drawing lines… or setting boundaries that need to be followed by both of you. ALANON can also help navigate living with or dealing with loved ones who are addicts. Maybe give a few meeting a shot. I hope it all works out for you.