Its true what they said about being sober…

Recovery
#1

Its lonely af and painful in the beginning as you truly see how all those people in your phone now that were once in your life really are when they either ghost you, communicate only to try and get you to use again, or the worse… when you find out about the ones who been laughing at your stupid a** this whole time behind your back even as they kept you around to use you up when they did bother answering… its unreal to me how many of the third type there are… how traumatizing that is to me. The childhood abuse that i went through and being laughed at then for sht I couldn’t control and just being tolerated if inwas doing something useful… its like im reliving that sht all over. They all just laughing at me like the joke i am because i cant do anything useful for them anymore for them to bother to keep it quiet from me anymore… like… w t f is this cruel sht now? Im an adult now and useful… finding out they laughing at me intoxicated or not really got me fcked up…

Im struggling here at 32 days sober. Trying to get out of my head and away from all the sht in my phone that made stuff come to light… the anxious urges im feeling to do something to escape this jacked up overwhelming feeling for just a littlewhile so i can regain some of my self esteem and let it make me care less even knowing its true… on the pipe if he more likely to say fck it’ and then go occupy myself with hyper focus for the next two days to the point where i aint have it to think about and that sounds wonderful right now and so tempting… but im being real with myself by forcing myself to remember it all would just be right there waiting for me when i cane down from my escapism… only id be more in debt and it will have made my emotions and ability to cope even worse because the sht i used to use messes with my psych meds on top of affecting my head itself… like i know this… nothing i do right now will make anything better… so why tf do i still want to give in to it anr those two days itll give me regardless of the fallout afterwards?

But im not doing that sh*t regardless and am instead typing all this out that no one will read so i can try to feel a little less of a joke. More like someone who matters… but ayyy, 32 days! That matters… right?

8 Likes
#2

A single day matters so 32 days matters A LOT. You’re a miracle. Don’t let the bullshit get to you. You can do this! Keep pushing forward!

1 Like
#3

Agreed. It’s lonely AF. Congrats on 32 days! 43 here!

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#4

Dang right it matters! It’s a miracle in itself that you have come to realize that using again is not going to fix things, if anything it will just make things worse. Easy does it, give yourself a break and a bit of grace for what you have already overcome and dont give up until more miracles happen! Your worth it, and you will see soon enough how worth it you are! Congratulations on another day clean! You earned it!

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#5

Absolutely. Every single one of those 32 days counts. You are worth it & deserve every one of them. Stay strong :muscle: Haters gonna hate no matter. Ignore them. Those hating on you are just the tools the devil :smiling_imp: is using to try to bring you down because he is miserable & wants you to be too. Congratulations :confetti_ball: on your 32 day, sister.

#6

YOU matter & 32 days matters! Yes, they are miserable! Show them that you truly are better than what they think or say and leave their asses in the dust! Congratulations!!!:confetti_ball: YOU can do this!
Philippians 4:13 says, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me :muscle:t2:. Look up, :point_up_2:t2:He Loves you & He’s Got you! :pray:t3:

#7

Hang in there

#8

32 days matters. One day at a time. You are not a joke!

#9

Humans are going to human and it is their shittt not yours. Yes the past is painful, but you are able to heal even though you feel deep in it at the moment and all the emotions are at the surface. That shall too come to process. Attempt to slowly keep moving forward and try a little each day to breathe and say fuuck them and let go.