I've got a little over 500 days clean and sober. There are a lot of changes happening and they are good. But, even so, I did something unhealthy today. My last relapse caused several people to withdraw from my life, including my ex girlfriend. We haven't had 2 way communication in over a year. From time to time I still reach out even though she has asked me not to. I feel like a total sh*t afterwards bc I know I have disrespected her boundaries... And I've disrespected myself. I'm so tired of making this mistake... And rehashing the relationship in my head. It makes me feel pathetic and sad. I'd hoped a thorough steps 4 - 9 would help... But I still struggle everyday with this.
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You’re doing ok and taking the suggestions. Maybe Try working all 12 steps. Remember, it’s “progress not perfection”
I suggest you read page 62 of the Big Book. Start at “selfishness-self-centeredness” and read through.
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Take it slow brother I know it sucks to being in the moment. But with time time heals everything. Through the years, I have rebuilt relationships that needed to be rebuilt. Some unfortunately had to be put away. Still work in progress. As long as you stay clean and sober any and everything is possible.
Hi Matt, I was a year sober when my wife left. It was extremely hard not to drink. I was falling apart. I tried as hard as I could not to contact her except regarding the kids. If I want to contact her, texted or called someone else. When I got angry or lost in thought about the failed marriage or beating myself up. I prayed for her. God, give her peace and happiness with or without me. I didn’t mean it most of the time and sometimes I would say it 5 times in 2 minutes. I also played a lot of Mario kart on my phone to distract myself. It takes times, and going through it is the only thing that can heal you. I am able see that it wasn’t all my fault and I am at peace. In June it will be 2 years since we separated and I am in a great place. Stay strong, my friend.
Chris, I’ve been there done that! 
. My addiction/disease/ego is powerful cunning and baffling!!!
I had to forgive myself and do my living amends by respecting my victims wishes. It was a process.
Acceptance is the key to peace. Writing letters was an alternative to calling or texting. Some were sent, some were not.
Telling on myself before I acted was huge.
I hope this helps.