Ive never been good at staying ckean from fet. Im on methadone and i attend a 3 times s week IOP group. But for some reason, i just keep relapsing. I usually only stay clean a couple of days. Well, this time i was clean a little over a week! I was so proud and hopeful. Until today, when i picked up a little and used. Now i feel like such a fsilure, and im really hating myself for breaking my longest clean streak ever. I just feel so defeated. I hate this so much..... need some words of comfort and encouragement, i guess....
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Hey I just want to take a moment and speak to your heart if you're feeling heavy because you relapsed.. I want you to know this, you are not alone this relapse doesn't define you it doesn't mean that you're weak it doesn't undo all the strength it took to try it in the first place it just means you're human and healing is not a straight line
you're still here and that means there is still hope . you are seen, you are loved and you are not forgotten there are people out here including myself who believe in your ability to rise again there's so much beauty inside of you, that your addiction can't touch. Even if you're feeling this you are still beautifully and purposefully made.
Psalms 34:18 says God is not ashamed of you in fact he is close especially now
The Lord is always with the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit you are the one that he leans into the one he fights for the one he stays close to when the pain feels like it's too much.. please don't isolate yourself, this is a safe place and you can reach out when it feels dark we don't need to be perfect just be real and alive and open !! there are people who understand exactly how you feel, who sat in the same pit, I'm here to tell you I am one of those people I'm only 6 days clean from my relapse I was 2 years sober until I made the choice to pick up a pipe again this is not the end for you! always stay connected friend praying to God was something I needed to do more of , going to church I needed to do more of you have a beautiful soul inside and out even if I don't know you I'm glad that you are still here fighting for your life and fighting to stay clean you are worth loving l, worth healing, and worth staying for
Thank you so much for reaching out
Also I know it's a lot to handle but I am on the vivitrol shot I started that 6 days ago I did not detox in fact I used the night before I got my shot and so the first three days were awful I was sick and exhausted and in pain my withdrawals luckily weren't so hectic because I'm typically not a fentanyl user I just did meth but lately all the math has been laced with lots of fentanyl in it so I was sick I recommend getting the shot that kind of keeps me accountable myself to not go back to smoking but if you do decide to do this definitely do the shot not the pills because you can stop the pills anytime and that just doesn't help your recovery I feel like but also make sure that you have completely detoxed cuz that s***'s hard on you
Im so sorry your having a tough time and dont be ashamed ur doing awesome by just writing and asking..have u done inpatient at all ? It got me away from myself lack of better terms bc I had no integrity and I couldn't trust myself early in recovery. until I got into 30 day program..ur never alone and never stop trying and just dont be so hard on yourself I was on myself too but I kept going until something and made alot of quality friends along the way..hey my one counselor relapsed 78 times until he got sober and ks now like 15 or so...its a journey of trial and error to get down the road on our own feet but ur never ever alone most of us here will lend our help and advice and support...I never thought I could kick 2 liters a day for even a day but it got easier u just have to want to make sure u are doing it for right reasons 
There's no one size fits addiction